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previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons

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new Laura you come out with what looks like an old great sword the hilt of it

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though it's engraved with the face of a dragon

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Flint you find three different potions Thea you come out with a pair of

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boots that look very fancy you guys head back out the way you came you hear

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the grumbling sounds over type creatures you guys you good you got

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stuff didn't you I cut off one of his legs so he like like below the knee so

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he falls and then I then I chop off a head we're big fan of beheading you

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guys make your way up and out you hear from the waterfall as the giant

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stands in the crest in the waterfall and you see his face from behind him

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comes a train that explodes this giant door opens up and off steps a tall

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well-dressed older gentleman right on time every time there my name is

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dancin I've been sent to bring you to bring you back to the guild for a

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little little stop-in visit and that he goes back up to the front of the

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train the train begins to pull away um so you like died back there we're not

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very good at fighting dragons so that's a bit worrying but I'm sure it'll be

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fine right we'll be fine you got underwear or not I open the shirt up

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and show her the blue dragon scale that is growing on my chest that's

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weird as fuck train begins to pull into the station you step off onto

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the platform and dancin says I'll be right here waiting for you when you're

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all ready to go welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a fifth edition actual

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D nope nope oh you said the name so good though you said the name so good

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it was a real good start this is where editing editing magic comes in welcome to

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Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a fifth edition D&D actual play podcast you

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look that's out of work now we are an actual play fifth edition D&D no we are

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a fifth edition we are a D&D fifth edition actual we are a D&D fifth

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edition actual play podcast how long it's in your long-term memory and now

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you're trying to pull it from short-term memory and that's not where

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it is no just let it come out just naturally let it flow what are we

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welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a fifth edition actual nope fuck

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it's gone okay sorry all right well podcast over welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a

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D&D fifth edition addiction oh shit it's contagious we are a fifth edition D&D actual play podcast I'm

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your dungeon master Russ More and with me today are all the lovely

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people Tom Laird oh hey that's me shocked me there Russ yeah I play

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Flint Firebeard and Carla Johnson hey that's me I play New Laura Moonbrook and Amy More that's

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not me oh no wait that is me well what a twist right it's a game I can't keep up

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nope I play Thea Amastasia I seriously almost said Thea New Laura yeah welcome everybody how

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did you know this is episode 40 oh that's a milestone the big 4-0 I mean it's no 50 we'll

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get there and 50 is gonna be almost like two full years which is crazy yeah they're both

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now be what 52 if it's if we've kept on schedule mm-hmm mm-hmm all right so we have

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to plan something special for 50 ish okay excellent so anywhere in the 50s we'll do

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one thing very special everything else will be normal I think it should be a live like a like

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a live where everyone hears all our fuck ups so you think they hear most of them 10 minutes

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trying to do the intro that's true do you mean live in front of people or live the four

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of us are together oh I was just thinking like live stream a game I mean I would love to be

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together that sounds terrifying it does also fun I don't think people didn't come to see

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we'll just get the house lights turned real low so we can't see anyone it's fine you just

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turned them up very briefly at the beginning to just set that set that fear tone and then

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you'd get them to turn them way down then the stage lights way up yeah you can't see

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a thing I think I would actually kind of love that I think I would love playing

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live in front of people me too but I have an acting background yeah so yeah exactly like I've

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been on stage in front of lots of people that's no problem I can walk out it's fine you know

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yeah I mean and then I'd remember like wait I'm not good at this that's the difference

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they all already know that true you know what Amy true you're right no one's coming to see

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us to learn how to play listen they already know we don't know how to play okay I'm gonna

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need Amy to wear her pink bathrobe though if we're doing that oh god yeah you would have to

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um and I'll bring some popcorn Tom can make cheesecakes I can bake things sure days okay

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we have to make enough for the people in the audience which there'll be like five people so

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that's yeah no kidding oh yeah 100% yeah okay I like this plan for future 50 ish yeah yeah

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okay maybe maybe a hundred we'll see yeah at least like something special how about that

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something special TBD sounds great I like it well yeah we'll talk about that later if you

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want to see more things that are special we're on Patreon true you like like like these

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beautiful faces which I'm gesturing at but you can't see but if you were a patron at

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five dollars a month or higher you would get to see these these faces I wasn't comfortable

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continuing to refer to myself as a beautiful face yeah well that's what we call Carla she's

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the beautiful face yeah yeah Tom is a beautiful beard oh thank you thank you Russ is a beautiful

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mind mm-hmm excuse me I'm going into the numbers tank just let me and I don't have

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one for me so beautiful soul beautiful beautiful body I know we were all thinking it but no one

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else would say it I love you Carla yeah Patreon.com slash dumb Dragoncast you can get all of this

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great stuff all the time and actually that's not true once a month you get it once a month I

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don't want to sell it worth Tuesday yeah I feel like I didn't I started like we started

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complimenting each other this is a real problem we have we just start complimenting each other

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and don't finish our thoughts if you support us on Patreon five dollars a month or higher

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then once a month we do like a live goo-kang thing where people can like watch us and ask

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us questions and hang out and there's an episode was really fun it was really it was

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kind of just like bullshitting with friends yeah and if you support us you could get a

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random shout out which I totally planned before this and I'm not just gonna go grab a name he's

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not vamping for time at all vamping for time it's randomly he's gonna start scanning right

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now this episode 40 is dedicated to you Darryl so thank you for being a patron you rock

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thanks for binge watching the intact yeah wow damn it binge listening that's dedication and

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it's a little crazy it is it's more than we generally require from our listeners yeah it's

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okay to just be a casual yeah okay but not with Carly's dad this is like family we're

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talking about here I meant like a casual lover of the podcast that's my casual lover of the

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podcast I knew what you meant thanks oh okay you guys have just stepped off the train at the

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guild of the nine shadows into a very lovely train station Danson has bid you adieu and said

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he will be here when you get back at which point he'll figure out his voice previous episode

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if you missed it very difficult episode for me ten minutes of bloopers where I couldn't say

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a fucking thing in any any accent so we'll see if it gets better you head on your way as you

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have to take it gets better I don't think that's what the hashtag is for oh is that not it I

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don't think so okay where are you guys heading okay you'll get it Tom you'll get it it's fine

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I would like to go see somebody about these potions that we got okay the best bet that

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you know of in the in the guild would be Ozarks Bizard if that's the first star you want to make

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let's go there cuz he's got he's got all that good shit he got it all going on yeah you got

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it all going on so as you remember Ozarks Bizard is on the third floor so you head yeah I

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totally remember that Russ you didn't remember that you head to the lifting machine the the

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elevator that's what it is that's what it is they're referred to as lifting machines

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in there now in this word they're called lifting machines and you hit the third floor and you

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head up and it opens up right into Ozarks Bizard which is a very incense filled room as you

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remember and it's quite there are a couple people kind of milling about lots of cushions

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around I imagine it to be tapestries yeah yeah I imagine like like what a like a Maharashtra

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yes yes that's what I picture too but like with treasures everywhere yes yeah yeah like

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with some soft sitar music in the background too yeah exactly yeah you don't see Ozark

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directly but you do see some other people human one one male one female a dwarf and

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an elephant both males and then the the front you could call it a desk area it's not really

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like a cash area because there's very little cash dealings in the guild they just kind of

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give you shit but there's a bell on there you want to go ring it or talk to anybody oh yeah

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Sia loves a good bell so she just walks over and just ding ding ding ding ding ding

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Ozark baby you here hello good to see you all again Ozark it's good to see you too he comes out

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of the beaded curtain as he does and he's exactly as you remember him he's a crotchety

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looking old man with a bit of a flair and very nice robes and he says oh my goodness

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it's the Nulara and Flint welcome back it's good to be back where have you guys been for

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so long I don't I don't get told much no we've been we've been everywhere went to the Misty

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Forest for a while and it's been we've been everywhere been a while since I've been there

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oh what brings you back what brings you back here we're hoping you can help us solve a little

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mystery about some items we found a mystery yeah I love mysteries what kind of things show

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me also for real y'all I wrote down all the potions I just have mine but because I'm real

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selfish like that I think I show me show me I have I think I have a red potion that Glimers

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when something happens that is illegible so yes a red liquid Glimering potion okay yes

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he he he takes it from you and shakes and he says oh yes yes this is this let me test it

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here just two seconds and he grabs out like a little eyedropper of and goes to the table

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and pulls out a series of like papers and stuff and drops a little bit on and starts

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to like it doesn't spark but it like there's a reaction and a little smoking and he says

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yeah this is this is just a a potion of healing funny that it smokes trust me it's

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fine and what what kind of healing does it do tell me it does amazing healing it if you

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were to talk about it in weird like breaking a fourth wall since it would probably be

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like 4d8 plus six and he tosses it back to you thanks Ozark all right I've got

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a couple other potions here does do you have any more Carla I think that's my

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only one I also got a rusty sword what should I do that rusty short what's that on your hip

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there rushy short sure sure sure sure sure the guild is supposed to be top-notch you're carrying

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around rusty shitty swords what is that so I hand him an old dirty rusty sword with an

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engraved hilt with the face of a dragon on it hmm you think this is anything this piece

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of trash that I've apparently I mean on the surface we don't like to judge books by their

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cover here but on the surface this is a piece of garbage on digging below and he starts to

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flick away some of the rust and dirt and he's more focused on the the hilt of it and he says

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this I'm gonna need to run a couple tests and clean it up a little bit just to be sure but

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I've heard of something called a dragon slayer and this design fits the bill so if it is come back

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before you leave and I'll just make sure that it is and if it's garbage well it's garbage but

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trust me I'll tell you if it is because you guys go up against a lot of dragons how's that

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going by the way not but hey we are currently all alive that's very well phrased I like it

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all right what else you got Tom what did I get I believe you got a silk robe with gold

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embroidery if I remember correctly that was that he is oh sorry so yeah not not there okay did

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we bring it for him so that he knows what to do with it or did he already know he was

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wearing he was wearing that motherfucker he's not giving that up because you guys were trying

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to steal it from him I remember being like dude can I have that and he was all like just

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straight up Mike you know it would look better on me anyway your old-ass fanny's looks

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terrible whatever he'll die soon anyway and I'll take it off his body I also have sorry he's

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one of our best friend NPCs fucking you guys can kill you for your if I die you guys feel

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free to just like you know hey look through my pocket to know whatever you want ditto yeah I'm

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on board with that plan I have a yellow potion that was written down that I don't have attributed

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to anyone was that for Amy maybe that's mine sure yeah yellow potion oh yeah he takes a look

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at the potion says like unless it's really good and that I want it back yeah for real

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like flips it around and checks it out and holds it up to the light there and he says

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well it kind of looks like pee but it's probably not I mean who puts pee in such a nice flask

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not most people he does the same kind of test okay doesn't smoke up take a swig of

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it's a dangerous game oh yeah yeah it gives him a look like smells the potion doesn't smell

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like it doesn't it smells kind of fruity like maybe they ate a lot of pineapple before

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Ozark my man I trust you and and see it takes like the little sip you take the little

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sip and you don't feel anything wrong and he's like yeah yep that's exactly what I

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thought it was puts the stopper back on it and hands it back to you new Laura and

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Flint you see the skin begin to change yellow okay it's a prank potion so roll the d4 I'm not

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using your dice rolling it's a two so your skin might change back in about two weeks

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I think you're what that's what it says oh wow Ozarks kind of a dick yes yeah is not

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happy sorry happy at all I'm not even to carry this fucking put like who like why why

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I'm gonna keep it anyway put it in my bag what else you got over there the other one I have two

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more written down I'm not sure if they were attributed to me or to Thaddeus but we'll say

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they attributed to you because I think you found a good number of them anyways okay there

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is a what's a new potion with a small drop of red that expands and contracts mm-hmm does

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those are go what does this one do he looks at it and doesn't have to do any test he's like

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that's a potion of dim dim diminish dim diminution dimmin diminution it makes

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you small or it makes whoever drinks it small how small safe would you like to

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test it on me see it's a little bit better no I didn't know it wasn't gonna hurt you

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yeah there's no reason why I shouldn't be yellow for two weeks hmm well I mean it'll

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cause for some interesting RP or opportunities a question about that potion there Ozark do

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people have to drink it or does it just have to come into contact with that no they got

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to drink it so yeah it basically reduces you to like half half your size for 1d4 hours and

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yeah that's that's that's about it okay I got one more it's a it's a red liquid with

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a small sliver of something in it small sliver of something yes that this could be

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mm-hmm mm-hmm and he he takes a small swig himself and he come on no you know he takes

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a small swig himself the one that makes you rich this one makes your penis enormous

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really was it's a good thing this is an audio me yeah you just scarred people for life it's

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fine and he walks over to what looks like he's what looks like it's just a very large

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iron statue and he's like Flint Flint you come and try and lift this for me all right do

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anything or do I just fail miserably roll a strength check so that's a six so yeah you can

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you just it's been a long day and you just I mean even though you had a long rest on on

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the train but you feel like you can't lift this so it's it's a very heavy object and

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needless to say but he goes up to it and he takes one hand and he lifts it like above

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his head tosses the potion back to you and says it's a potion of what I believe is fire

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giant strength well all right then what do I need to know about that from a technical side

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of things for us so when you drink this potion your strength score changes for one hour to in

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this case the type of a fire giant which boosts it up to 25 Wow you so strong and what's a bonus

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on a plus 25 well 20 is plus 5 so 20 is 5 6 7 so it'll be a plus 7 total I think for just

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for strength so yeah but that probably is what yours is for all your weapons and stuff yeah for

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it yeah for any yeah yeah cuz you're a big strong boy you're a big old axe and he says

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anything else you got yeah I think that's everything I have written down anyway there

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was a thing for flammokins but she's not with us then we can't really get an answer

196
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about that boots on oh man I got these that high boots going on anything special about these

197
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apart from how amazing how look I was gonna say how much they clash with my new skin

198
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banana skin tone at this moment oh and when she says banana that glowing orb that I got

199
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in the dragon's cave like comes out of my bag oh you got a drift boat too those are fun hard to

200
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hide but I mean they let you see a lot yeah that's really funny I remembered cuz it just

201
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happened yeah looks at the boots and begins flipping through flipping through a book those

202
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I'm not mistaking our boots of levitation Oh shut up I don't mind being yellow so while

203
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you wear these boots you can use an action to cast the levitate spell on yourself at will

204
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that's fun good oh I I do have that bow as well I think it might just be a standard bow but I

205
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might as well ask them since we're here yeah you hand him the bow and he looks it over as well

206
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it's just a it's just a regular bow but if you leave it with me I can make it a little

207
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bit fancier oh yeah I mean oh I like fancy I mean I never knew you to be a bowman but

208
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I mean stranger things have happened yeah I've got some shit going on every now and then

209
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there's as well I mean I've been waiting for you guys to come by you remember these and he

210
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pulls three keys out of his pocket and we stare blankly at him having no memory of

211
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second isn't this how we get our things yeah it's like our safety deposit box our

212
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surprise safety deposit box it's like well is this the exact conversation we had last time this

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happened probably but like probably did you guys ever grow up and get your hair cut at like some

214
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kind of chain haircut thing and you put your hair in the thing and like spun a thing and then

215
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it did a whole thing and then you got a prize I never once heard of that but it sounds

216
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amazing really fucked up and weird what what's like your hair you use your hair like a quarter

217
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to get a trinket yeah so like when I was a kid it's like a government program to collect

218
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no like I this is my recollection of how it worked I was a small child but when you got

219
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your haircut you would like get some of it just like off the floor they'd like hand you

220
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some or whatever right like they cut your hair it's wherever and then you put it in

221
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like like a magic cabinet and you put it in and you close the door and then you like spin the

222
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thing like a turnstile thing you know and then a price came out it was just like a you know

223
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it didn't it didn't make a prize with the hair guys just was like I'm gonna go immediately

224
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into the garbage but it was like it was like a vacuum type situation just to take the hair

225
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away I see anyway so just me I dream no okay I'm gonna say that there was like a string of

226
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unsolved murders that all have like freshly clipped hair on the scene and they've never

227
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once found a suspect for a little did we know it was the beaners haircutting store

228
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yeah exactly okay well so yeah anyways let's not let's not add that part in this like

229
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slandering all this bullshit about hair has been cut out don't worry okay not beaners great

230
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clips let's not slander anything ultra cuts no that exists to super cuts that also exists I

231
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think that's a thing yeah great no banging expectation that's one store done somewhere in

232
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the states it's like we're gonna need a salon in game called bang and bangs they just opened

233
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up upstairs if you want to go get yourself a little walk off of sorts okay so I guess I'm

234
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gonna like take a key yeah you want the key the walls over there good lord talking about

235
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here for so goddamn long what you like SRP thank you Ozark do I get to pick one or does

236
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he give me one of the three I can't recall doesn't matter okay then I take one and walk

237
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over to the wall and put it in a slot and turn it roll your percentile dies I will

238
00:27:27,259 --> 00:27:38,220
I got it ten so or or a or a one however you want that so the the mechanisms behind the wall

239
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go and it releases a small capsule and she didn't even have to put her hair in didn't

240
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know hair required and you you crack it open and inside there is a kinder surprise a tiny

241
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princess and I love it there is a what looks like a boat a palm-sized broach of sorts doesn't

242
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have a pin on the back but it kind of looks like a shield and Ozark quickly snatches it

243
00:28:07,339 --> 00:28:14,059
from you and goes and looks in his book and yeah yep yep this this here and gives it back

244
00:28:14,059 --> 00:28:18,660
to you is what they call an animated shield and what does that mean so when you got to do

245
00:28:18,660 --> 00:28:26,180
is while holding this shield you can speak its command word as a bonus action to cause it to

246
00:28:26,180 --> 00:28:31,259
animate the shield leaps into the air and hovers in a space to protect you as if you

247
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were wielding it leaving your hands free oh that's awesome the shield remains animated

248
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for one minute until you use a bonus action to end this effect or until you're

249
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incapacitated or die which you never do right almost never I don't want to say never mm-hmm

250
00:28:49,460 --> 00:28:56,059
good good at which point the shield falls to the ground or into your hand if you have

251
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one free and and I said it was a small thing but it's an actual fucking shield I misread

252
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:10,179
that okay yeah so there's a large capsule that comes out it's massive and you crack

253
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that open and there is a large shield inside if she looks special shield way up is she going

254
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to see like a gumball like way at the top like a gumball machine type dome that has

255
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all these capsules in it and one just kind of like rolls down that's what I'm picturing right

256
00:29:30,980 --> 00:29:36,340
now Ozarks says just next next time you come in I'll show you where it all comes from don't

257
00:29:37,100 --> 00:29:45,020
next time next time I have time to plan for that bullshit Russ can you I like that you

258
00:29:45,020 --> 00:29:53,300
answered as Ozark yes I'm trying to keep the voice I liked it um is there like more

259
00:29:53,300 --> 00:30:00,380
stats to that that you just want to send me it gives you a plus two to your AC okay Ozark

260
00:30:00,380 --> 00:30:07,420
what is the command word you tell me oh god I'm so good at making these up you guys it's the

261
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best the first time you say it it will be so okay think about what you're likely to yell in

262
00:30:13,340 --> 00:30:22,340
a battle Nulara like holy shit or oh fuck this or so far I have these are my things

263
00:30:22,340 --> 00:30:32,660
banana and these are right command words so far first round Nulara is just talking to

264
00:30:32,660 --> 00:30:40,540
herself I'm gonna I'm gonna float something out there shieldy McShield face and you don't you

265
00:30:40,540 --> 00:30:45,260
don't have to say it until you want it to animate so it will just be a shield that you

266
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have to use until you give the command word okay so it's always plus two days see if I'm

267
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holding it but I don't have to hold it and I'm sorry how long does it last one minute so ten

268
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rounds okay and then it just drops into your hand or to the ground if you're no longer near

269
00:31:03,740 --> 00:31:10,539
it you're dead can I I'm gonna I'm gonna think about it yeah get back to me on that all right

270
00:31:10,539 --> 00:31:19,539
who's next I am roll it turn it I put my key in and I turn it and I get the exact same

271
00:31:19,539 --> 00:31:28,819
world that I rolled last time an actual smaller capsule comes down this time after the mechanisms

272
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go and releases and you crack it open and out comes a necklace with what looks like like a

273
00:31:36,139 --> 00:31:42,980
disk with an etching and carving of armor but not armor for a person armor armor for more

274
00:31:42,980 --> 00:31:48,460
of an animal he looks at it and checks his book and he says yeah we're getting this a

275
00:31:48,460 --> 00:31:55,340
little more fine-tuned here this is what they call an amulet of barding so you shapeshifter

276
00:31:55,340 --> 00:32:01,860
when you shape shift you shape shift into an animal that will now have armor on them as long

277
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as you are wearing this giving awesome as your as your animal figure plus three to your AC

278
00:32:11,700 --> 00:32:19,420
you'll be the toughest wolf in all the realm I will be what do I have to say to make this work

279
00:32:19,420 --> 00:32:27,460
you just have to wear it neat I put it on what color is it what color is it I think it I think

280
00:32:27,460 --> 00:32:32,620
there's like a like an emerald in it or something sure sure yeah all right Flint you're

281
00:32:32,700 --> 00:32:41,500
all right I grab my key and walk over and throw it in the wall turn it and 90

282
00:32:41,500 --> 00:32:51,620
machine and I'm crushed to death by a large capsule and just the biggest motherfucking

283
00:32:51,620 --> 00:32:57,060
thing drops from the sky not even from the little the boulder from Indiana Jones

284
00:32:57,659 --> 00:33:05,859
and just crushes me yeah no one about the size of a we'll say like a melon comes out and you

285
00:33:05,859 --> 00:33:14,980
crack it open and there are there are bracers inside and they have intricately designed bows

286
00:33:14,980 --> 00:33:18,980
and arrows and he looks at it and he doesn't even need to check his book he's like those

287
00:33:18,980 --> 00:33:27,140
you're really leaning towards that archery bullshit those are bracers of archery so when

288
00:33:27,140 --> 00:33:35,259
you're wearing those you get a plus two plus your proficiency and all that to your attack

289
00:33:35,259 --> 00:33:43,099
and damage rolls on top of everything else you already have for any such proficiency and he

290
00:33:43,100 --> 00:33:49,020
looks to Donnie and he says last time I think we forgot you Donnie and he hands Donnie a tiny

291
00:33:49,020 --> 00:33:56,200
key and there's a there's a smaller keyhole beside the large one there's like a special

292
00:33:56,200 --> 00:34:03,180
animal best friend keyhole we've upgraded since the last time since the last time you

293
00:34:03,180 --> 00:34:12,200
guys came through seems like years ago and Donnie turns it and outcomes a yeah a small

294
00:34:12,199 --> 00:34:23,899
capsule that Nularaaa I assume you break open and it's a small gold collar and Ozark looks at it

295
00:34:23,899 --> 00:34:31,439
and checks it out and he's like well you you keep that on him that's what is called a collar

296
00:34:31,439 --> 00:34:40,759
of evolution so as Donnie permits while wearing it he will turn into a gold dragon wormling

297
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:50,440
how much bigger is a wormling than a pseudo dragon well a pseudo dragon is like cat size a

298
00:34:50,440 --> 00:35:00,080
wormling is what's called a medium dragon so they are bigger I will send you all the stats

299
00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:07,000
and stuff that is exciting that is so cool I'm so excited for Donnie yeah Donnie's gonna be

300
00:35:07,000 --> 00:35:11,480
baller I don't think you'd ever say no to that you'd be like Donnie now and you'd be like I don't

301
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:21,199
feel like it is it do I ask him or it's when he wants to he well I mean I mean we speak

302
00:35:21,199 --> 00:35:27,159
psychically all the time so it's like we're sympathetic you can command him but he you

303
00:35:27,159 --> 00:35:34,559
know as as action takes place he can as a bonus action morph into a green or a gold

304
00:35:34,679 --> 00:35:43,159
that's really fun Ozark I know what I want my my shield command word to be so I guess I'm like

305
00:35:43,159 --> 00:35:50,799
holding the shield and I'm gonna make it happen my my command word is going to be Contego

306
00:35:50,799 --> 00:35:56,960
that's Latin for protect or defend trying to class I'm trying to class this shit up a little

307
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:01,799
bit more than banana like it I thought it was like banana I thought it was like one of those

308
00:36:01,800 --> 00:36:09,360
water bottles that they carry around these days well you can find a pack of three of

309
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:14,519
those for a really decent price at fantasy Costco it's true sure yeah yeah so those

310
00:36:14,519 --> 00:36:19,160
Contigo water bottles must exist in game because they have them at fantasy Costco right

311
00:36:19,160 --> 00:36:27,880
naturally yeah all right you got it and it leaps in the air in front of you and as if you

312
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:35,200
were holding it it it moves and follows your your your direction so fun I'll check out that

313
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:39,360
sword there for you get it all cleaned up and see if it's something um otherwise good

314
00:36:39,360 --> 00:36:43,119
seeing you guys yeah oh sorry just quick question yeah do you have anything in here

315
00:36:43,119 --> 00:36:49,240
that can cure a prank potion I mean yeah but it's kind of funny this way he's chuckles

316
00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:54,599
to himself and goes goes into the back and comes out and has sent you a small file and

317
00:36:54,599 --> 00:37:03,400
that'll take care of it oh man guys I don't know whether or not I should drink it yeah he does

318
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:09,619
like a prank we've learned hey apparently so I open it and I take a little swig you gotta

319
00:37:09,619 --> 00:37:14,639
drink the whole thing my dear oh my god I drink the whole thing and you look at your

320
00:37:14,639 --> 00:37:21,920
hands and the yellow begins going away it's so for a second body was gonna say like it's

321
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:31,000
darker like oh yeah exactly right now you're glowing in yellow yeah thank you yeah yeah no

322
00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:36,039
problem thanks Ozark see you later where you guys want to go now where should we go now

323
00:37:36,039 --> 00:37:52,960
rest so you've you've got your rooms the where Salazar's office we probably should check in

324
00:37:52,960 --> 00:38:02,639
how's your skin tone looking you ready yeah it's slowly fading okay okay so yeah he's up on the

325
00:38:02,639 --> 00:38:10,599
top top floor course you get back in back in the lifting device and and get lifted yeah it

326
00:38:10,599 --> 00:38:16,519
there's a whole bunch of numbers and indeterminate amount of numbers and we press the highest one

327
00:38:16,519 --> 00:38:22,719
you press the one that says top oh how about not even a number not even penthouse top no

328
00:38:22,719 --> 00:38:30,759
top okay oh they don't have the word penthouse in this universe no no no naturally and it you

329
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:38,520
feel force as you rise up and you it overlooks basically the entire innards of the guild of

330
00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:43,400
the nine shadows which is very intricately designed and there are golden silver works

331
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:50,120
and you see people working and running about and you slow to a stop and it opens up into

332
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:58,080
the top floor and you follow a hallway and you get to an office administrators desk there's

333
00:38:58,079 --> 00:39:06,799
a smaller halfling female with big bushy permed hair and she looks up from her desk and she says

334
00:39:06,799 --> 00:39:14,199
you adventurers oh it's good to see you guys there it's it's if Salazar here we'd love to

335
00:39:14,199 --> 00:39:23,400
see him oh he's not here no oh he said he's out on a mission he I mean he said to let

336
00:39:23,400 --> 00:39:29,200
you know that he was he was hoping he'd be back disease you remember me right

337
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:39,360
Enid Enid's the name Enid how are you Enid your hair looks great thank you I just had

338
00:39:39,360 --> 00:39:44,119
it done down at the the bangly bangs or whatever they call themselves bang and bang

339
00:39:44,119 --> 00:39:49,160
bang and bangs thank you yes you oh I hope you swing by they do a wonderful job I think

340
00:39:49,159 --> 00:39:56,839
the only hairstyle they do though so real misnomer with the name if it's called bang and

341
00:39:56,839 --> 00:40:02,719
bangs but what they do is per the hairstyle that's best known for bangs they're new on

342
00:40:02,719 --> 00:40:09,759
the scene well it looks great you look fantastic you know well thank you don't you know I mean

343
00:40:09,759 --> 00:40:14,559
it's good to see you guys he's he's out on some top-secret mission he said you could swing

344
00:40:14,559 --> 00:40:20,759
by the war room if you wanted to go talk to the Colonel over there oh you should make sure you

345
00:40:20,759 --> 00:40:30,079
swing by the vault too they've got this new new technology it's pretty fancy-dancy you just

346
00:40:30,079 --> 00:40:34,119
put all your money in it and then you get a little what they call it you can either get a

347
00:40:34,119 --> 00:40:43,039
fanny pack of holding or or a coin purse of holding what about cargo shorts of holding

348
00:40:43,519 --> 00:40:49,279
it's been a while since I've been down there they may have some some devices like that too

349
00:40:49,279 --> 00:40:56,239
okay well we'll we'll we'll swing by and and check it out and we'll we'll go to the war

350
00:40:56,239 --> 00:41:01,639
room too thanks Enid yeah absolutely swing by any time there I'll let Salazar know to get

351
00:41:01,639 --> 00:41:06,920
in touch with you once he once he gets back he's been gone for a while though so I mean

352
00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:11,480
should be back soon are you know where he went it's top-secret confidential is what he

353
00:41:11,519 --> 00:41:18,480
told me um I just say he's out fishing if somebody calls but I mean you guys are best buds you go

354
00:41:18,480 --> 00:41:24,559
back wait a long time true we do so yeah I don't know where he is all right thanks Enid sorry

355
00:41:24,559 --> 00:41:30,079
okay thanks Enid does Thea just look like totally crestfallen with this development

356
00:41:30,079 --> 00:41:36,800
I got unyellowed for him I take the yellow potion back that means but you guys hold me

357
00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:49,720
back okay so we go back to the lifting device I'm gonna we're gonna call it a slightly different

358
00:41:49,720 --> 00:41:56,039
thing every time we refer to it I think the lift atron 3000 like it mm-hmm mm-hmm hey don't

359
00:41:56,039 --> 00:42:02,240
don't waste them Tom we got more places to go do you want to go to the war room to see the

360
00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:12,840
Colonel or the vault to get some fanny packs I think Colonel first okay is there a button in

361
00:42:12,840 --> 00:42:17,720
the elevator that says war room or do we remember if we remember right we were here

362
00:42:17,720 --> 00:42:23,320
for a while before we know how to get there yeah you remember it's on the top floor oh we

363
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:37,720
we walk out sheepishly cuz her desk is like right there and we're like this way yeah it's

364
00:42:37,720 --> 00:42:48,080
still down the hall there don't worry dears and yep I whisper we can't come back here you walk

365
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:51,980
down the hall and there's the large double doors at the end of the hall which you

366
00:42:51,980 --> 00:43:00,579
remember to be the war room do you knock do you walk in what do you do oh we walk in kick

367
00:43:00,579 --> 00:43:06,820
the door open on our way in or what okay yeah that's fine no you know what you could take

368
00:43:06,820 --> 00:43:11,380
your super strength and just like fucking rip the doors off their hinges gonna waste my

369
00:43:11,380 --> 00:43:22,460
potion to open totally worth it you enter and it's a it's a very busy room and there are many

370
00:43:22,460 --> 00:43:28,660
people sitting around the edge and in the center there is a glowing map or a plane you

371
00:43:28,660 --> 00:43:33,900
know a map of is it real paper map or have we walked in on like some CSI shit where it's

372
00:43:33,900 --> 00:43:41,780
like all like a 3d more like more like that like strange technologies that that you don't

373
00:43:41,780 --> 00:43:45,940
remember seeing the last time you were here I mean you didn't spend a lot of time in the

374
00:43:45,940 --> 00:43:52,059
war room probably because you weren't as high up but you walk in and you see what looks to

375
00:43:52,059 --> 00:43:57,660
be you know the highest ranking individual as he's talking to some some other people and he

376
00:43:57,659 --> 00:44:05,699
looks over to you and he's gonna help you yeah we're and then we just pause just in case

377
00:44:05,699 --> 00:44:12,420
someone has like a brilliant name for our group still though no perfect but there was

378
00:44:12,420 --> 00:44:17,299
some good suggestions in the Facebook group I don't accept any of them because it's

379
00:44:17,300 --> 00:44:26,460
happen organically like I don't know how but we might be passed I don't think you guys as

380
00:44:26,460 --> 00:44:31,460
these characters will ever have a name for your agreed and that's fine wonderful

381
00:44:31,460 --> 00:44:46,400
so I say we're new Laura yeah amistad's yeah what Flint fire beer right right yeah Salazar

382
00:44:46,400 --> 00:44:53,460
told me that you you guys might be stopping by can't tell you where he went is there

383
00:44:53,460 --> 00:44:58,980
anything I can I can assist you with like do you guys need like a rundown from us is

384
00:44:58,980 --> 00:45:06,260
there a debriefing that needs to happen we've been given let me put it this way you guys are

385
00:45:06,260 --> 00:45:15,380
flying solo on this now thank you what we have been given direct orders to not interfere in

386
00:45:15,380 --> 00:45:23,579
other realms business so the most we can do is send you in but if anybody comes back to us

387
00:45:23,579 --> 00:45:31,420
from our organization or higher which there is higher we we deny that you guys exist so I'm

388
00:45:31,420 --> 00:45:38,699
very sorry that I'm the one who has to tell you this and you are sir oh me yes yeah no I'm please

389
00:45:38,699 --> 00:45:44,460
be Colonel mustard please be Colonel mustard Baron of bad news that's what I'm Colonel

390
00:45:44,460 --> 00:45:56,440
Reginald thermopolis is my name Reggie Reggie T it is so what you're saying is your organization

391
00:45:56,440 --> 00:46:04,500
no longer cares about the rise of Tiamat because now we're flying solo or is someone

392
00:46:04,500 --> 00:46:12,539
else working on this specific issue he looks around he kind of drawn attention from the

393
00:46:12,539 --> 00:46:19,619
room and he's like step step into my office here and you follow him into a an offshoot and

394
00:46:19,619 --> 00:46:32,059
he closes the door and say sit if you like but after we sent in the armor to help your

395
00:46:32,059 --> 00:46:42,420
military at Mirabar technically not our military the military of Mirabar okay let's I sit down on a

396
00:46:42,420 --> 00:46:54,699
giant beach chair he sits down at one of the like one of the bouncy balls that firm up his

397
00:46:54,699 --> 00:47:01,139
core yeah yeah you know he looks like a guy who works his core a lot yeah we I mean it went

398
00:47:01,179 --> 00:47:06,019
along with a whole string of other things that we've been kind of playing with but we've been

399
00:47:06,019 --> 00:47:15,219
told that we interfere too much in the world's issues is that as a plural not a singular world

400
00:47:15,219 --> 00:47:21,859
owning so we've been trying to fly as much under the radar as we possibly can not to say

401
00:47:21,859 --> 00:47:26,299
that we don't want to help you and we will try our very hardest to help you but you guys

402
00:47:26,300 --> 00:47:36,260
need to take the lead where you can Dancin in the train will do his best to get you where

403
00:47:36,260 --> 00:47:43,260
you need to go as he may have said maybe not you know we were doing this before we knew

404
00:47:43,260 --> 00:47:55,500
your organization existed I think we will be okay without your particular branding stamped

405
00:47:55,500 --> 00:48:04,820
on us if you do not want to publicly fund this little mission but let me just say when we stop

406
00:48:04,820 --> 00:48:15,539
the rise of Tiamat everyone will know it was the still nothing band of something I think we

407
00:48:15,539 --> 00:48:23,780
should be a band oh okay that's a good starting point yeah yeah yeah I understand and I wish I

408
00:48:24,100 --> 00:48:31,060
wish Salazar was here to to break it more eloquently than than I may have but he's he's

409
00:48:31,060 --> 00:48:38,620
gone he's been gone for a while and can you at least tell us where he went no why don't

410
00:48:38,620 --> 00:48:44,620
say top secret everything that happens here is top secret yeah can you tell us that he's okay

411
00:48:44,619 --> 00:48:53,920
not bad either hey Reginald Thermopolis not a lot not a lot from you anything any good

412
00:48:53,920 --> 00:49:04,460
news this has been just bad bad bad got anything good any good news um hmm uh tippy

413
00:49:04,460 --> 00:49:14,259
you guys like tippy yeah he might might might have heard from him oh well not directly we've

414
00:49:14,260 --> 00:49:22,500
been keeping an eye on on his his plane the the mechanist plane and it appears you remember

415
00:49:22,500 --> 00:49:30,380
how it you know was destroyed by an evil god and like everything disappeared and yeah yeah

416
00:49:30,380 --> 00:49:36,140
back in time somehow to be yeah went back in time to get there it popped back up on the

417
00:49:36,139 --> 00:49:46,619
map we're not sure how it happened he hasn't touched base he hasn't he hasn't reconnected

418
00:49:46,619 --> 00:49:52,739
that's okay because it turns out no one works for you anymore hmm zing he is throwing shade

419
00:49:52,739 --> 00:50:01,460
all over the place I can appreciate that I can appreciate that if you hear from him we will

420
00:50:01,460 --> 00:50:06,260
be sure to not let you know because you don't give a flying fuck about us anymore also I thought

421
00:50:06,260 --> 00:50:11,740
tippy was a girl no tippy's definitely always been a male character no but remember that one

422
00:50:11,740 --> 00:50:19,300
time I thought it was a girl I don't know maybe that's confusing it's hard to gender of robot

423
00:50:19,300 --> 00:50:27,460
right can someone explain robots to me tippy's in an androgynous creation so you know who

424
00:50:27,460 --> 00:50:37,300
created tippy in their world creatures okay yeah we're getting too deep here that's for another

425
00:50:37,300 --> 00:50:43,179
episode long long ways from now when when tippy comes back and it's hard not to have these like

426
00:50:43,179 --> 00:50:48,619
really kind of deep existential conversations when you're so relaxed on a big chair like

427
00:50:48,619 --> 00:50:56,940
I am you just want to talk about like world where do we feel like where do we come from

428
00:50:56,940 --> 00:51:03,460
changed after she died we had a hair braiding situation she was more open and like feeling

429
00:51:03,460 --> 00:51:07,739
than she has ever been that's true maybe maybe we're seeing a little bit of a softer

430
00:51:07,739 --> 00:51:13,019
side of Nulara she realizes man life is fleeting why do I put up these walls you

431
00:51:13,019 --> 00:51:20,219
know like walls Nulara especially when I'm a human like I'm gonna die so much before you

432
00:51:20,219 --> 00:51:27,179
guys I know I'll probably forget about you before I die I mean you didn't have to say it

433
00:51:27,179 --> 00:51:36,219
like that exactly Reginald Thermopolis it's just like not this whole conversation that

434
00:51:36,219 --> 00:51:40,980
is happening in character in game in his office right now and then I say oh by the

435
00:51:40,980 --> 00:51:44,579
way we don't care about him anymore because he just told us to like take a fucking flying

436
00:51:44,579 --> 00:51:53,539
leap so well do you think that he would care that um um I can't wait to hear what you're

437
00:51:53,539 --> 00:52:00,179
gonna say right now no I just I forgot his name um he gave a shit about narenvane at all

438
00:52:00,179 --> 00:52:05,699
because he's kind of like a leader's son like you care about narenvane like is that

439
00:52:05,700 --> 00:52:11,060
like is anything like what is on your radar like if now you guys are pulling back what

440
00:52:11,060 --> 00:52:15,940
do you care about is it all just like under the radar stuff and everything's still okay

441
00:52:15,940 --> 00:52:20,100
and you just can't put anything on the books or are you really like fuck the world let's

442
00:52:20,100 --> 00:52:30,900
just see where it goes believe believe me we are doing what we can to help you

443
00:52:30,900 --> 00:52:42,099
I cannot say how we are doing that at this moment but know that we are still in your

444
00:52:42,099 --> 00:52:55,059
corner but we cannot send in mass forces for fear of disrupting the bAlydince of the universe

445
00:52:55,139 --> 00:53:01,380
okay of the universe so wait we had access to mass forces this whole time and didn't use them

446
00:53:01,380 --> 00:53:07,059
and we asked you once for armor and now we're cut off fuck we should have asked for more you

447
00:53:07,059 --> 00:53:14,099
guys it's true little missed opportunity well next time yep um we will provide you with what

448
00:53:14,099 --> 00:53:24,339
you need um as you need it um but we we cannot we cannot send in uh large you have to you have

449
00:53:24,339 --> 00:53:31,139
to try and make this work okay so just keep doing what we're doing then okay got it perfect

450
00:53:32,420 --> 00:53:37,460
uh well i'm awkwardly getting up out of me bag chair now there's no way to not awkwardly

451
00:53:37,460 --> 00:53:41,699
get up out of this do you do you take like a good 30 seconds to do it and we're like

452
00:53:41,700 --> 00:53:46,660
we're ready to leave but we're watching you and everyone's just like i end up just like rolling

453
00:53:46,660 --> 00:53:51,220
onto my knees and then standing up because it's all a choice it's you know at some point you

454
00:53:51,220 --> 00:53:57,540
just gotta you just gotta leave the room in a huff it's hard to it's hard to huff out of a

455
00:53:57,540 --> 00:54:02,740
room from a beanbag chair it really is this is a lesson learned yeah that gives you a little

456
00:54:02,740 --> 00:54:07,860
bit of a takes takes a wind out of your sails a little bit like well we're leaving

457
00:54:07,860 --> 00:54:11,940
yeah and then all the beanbag adding beanbag noise right we'll have to

458
00:54:11,940 --> 00:54:15,940
whatever that beanbag fully will be like a bag of rice i can imagine i'm not sure

459
00:54:15,940 --> 00:54:22,820
yeah sure yeah okay well oh yeah perfect yeah so we go those like those bags you put in like

460
00:54:22,820 --> 00:54:29,220
the microwave and warm up yeah like magic bags or whatever they are yeah yeah uh as you as you

461
00:54:29,220 --> 00:54:34,420
leave uh his office he he doesn't say anything but you look back to the glowing map and you

462
00:54:34,420 --> 00:54:42,180
now see that it's illuminated in a way that it appears to be showing hundreds of

463
00:54:42,180 --> 00:54:51,139
thousands of modron type creatures tippy type creatures forming what looks to be some sort of

464
00:54:51,139 --> 00:55:00,420
strategic military take a little mental picture that's fun yeah uh do question do we still have

465
00:55:00,420 --> 00:55:12,500
a radio i'm pretty sure new laura still has it yeah uh okay do you guys want to hit the vault

466
00:55:13,300 --> 00:55:15,860
yeah let's go vault it up might as well

467
00:55:19,380 --> 00:55:23,220
ouch feeling a bit abandoned there sorry about that folks but i mean

468
00:55:23,780 --> 00:55:28,740
you had a 40 episode cutoff hey there i'm your dungeon master Russ More thank you for

469
00:55:28,740 --> 00:55:34,740
joining us for episode 40 of Dumbgeons and Dragons titled return to the guild first off a bit of a

470
00:55:34,740 --> 00:55:40,100
rundown for the schedule coming up june is going to be a fun and busy month of releases on the

471
00:55:40,100 --> 00:55:46,500
channel here we will have our two regular episodes one of which includes our mega big

472
00:55:46,500 --> 00:55:52,340
ultimate podcast crossover episode that includes the talents of victoria rogers from the broad

473
00:55:52,340 --> 00:55:57,140
swords katie maywebber from dungeons dice and everything nice keith ross from bros and

474
00:55:57,139 --> 00:56:03,539
dragons kurtis boland from Dumbgeons and Dragons and daughters and jeremy aLexa from the dice

475
00:56:03,539 --> 00:56:11,779
unkind that happens june 6th then june as well is women in tabletop gaming month so we will have

476
00:56:11,779 --> 00:56:16,339
two bonus episodes released on our off weeks where amy and carla have for the first time

477
00:56:16,339 --> 00:56:22,099
dm'd their own super fun one shots those will come out june 13th and 27th get ready

478
00:56:22,099 --> 00:56:26,179
for those another way you can support us as always is directly by joining the Patreon

479
00:56:26,180 --> 00:56:31,940
community over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast you can have your say in how the dumb dragon

480
00:56:31,940 --> 00:56:37,860
world is created by joining our monthly goo gangs contributing mpcs and now even creating weapons

481
00:56:37,860 --> 00:56:42,820
magical items or something even more wild and crazy plus after four months of being a part

482
00:56:42,820 --> 00:56:46,900
of the Dumbgeons and Dragons community at specific levels we'll just send you some swag

483
00:56:47,460 --> 00:56:53,540
because you rock supporting us on Patreon makes the show better with each episode and allows us

484
00:56:53,539 --> 00:56:58,099
to do new cool things for you so we hope you'll check it out and join us on the road to adventure

485
00:56:58,099 --> 00:57:04,019
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast all of our social media links can be found at dmdragons.com

486
00:57:04,019 --> 00:57:08,099
including that facebook group where you can join and potentially win your very own copy of morden

487
00:57:08,099 --> 00:57:12,659
kindness tomofoes on may 29th so go check out the website and join follow or like where

488
00:57:12,659 --> 00:57:17,219
you can today and thank you to sirenscape for some of the amazing atmosphere and music make

489
00:57:17,219 --> 00:57:21,699
sure you check them out at sirenscape.com to bring your games to life you've just got to

490
00:57:21,700 --> 00:57:27,140
be using it at your gaming table the next episode will be out June 6th with our mega big podcast

491
00:57:27,140 --> 00:57:31,060
crossover episode share with your friends let them know about us and hit subscribe if you

492
00:57:31,060 --> 00:57:34,900
haven't already let's get there though and see what's next for the adventures as they wrap up

493
00:57:34,900 --> 00:57:39,460
their visit to the guild of the nine shadows have a great couple weeks we'll talk soon

494
00:57:39,460 --> 00:57:50,179
go in the lift evader the lift atron yeah

495
00:57:51,539 --> 00:57:59,780
uh and it is on the sixth floor as you recall so you hit the sixth floor and you go down

496
00:57:59,780 --> 00:58:08,099
and it opens up into a very busy bank like situation big carved archways and there is an

497
00:58:08,099 --> 00:58:13,779
open teller he's looking down at a at a scrap paper that he's writing on there not not like

498
00:58:13,779 --> 00:58:18,819
a ledger or anything but literally like a post-it like like it's kind of ripped like he ripped it

499
00:58:18,819 --> 00:58:24,900
out of this is a super professional place you guys i walk up to him and i say hello good sir

500
00:58:24,900 --> 00:58:33,139
he looks up oh yeah we would like to enter the vault who are you where

501
00:58:33,619 --> 00:58:40,659
are you here i just need a fucking name oh sorry yeah amistacia yeah we that's what we've been

502
00:58:40,659 --> 00:58:50,819
working on all right yeah exactly sir we just need a fucking name okay see the uh amistacia you

503
00:58:51,539 --> 00:58:58,019
you and you you your names what are your names oh names oh sorry i didn't know what you're

504
00:58:58,019 --> 00:59:04,579
looking back at them like he reaches and pulls don't be weird reaches and pulls a larger ledger

505
00:59:05,300 --> 00:59:11,059
oh you guys it okay sorry larger than his scrap piece of paper yeah yeah this is a this is a

506
00:59:11,059 --> 00:59:14,820
legit ledger and you look down at the scrap piece of paper it looks like he was doodling

507
00:59:14,820 --> 00:59:20,179
oh nice yeah so you like what you've got going on there it's a hard have boobies

508
00:59:20,980 --> 00:59:25,619
i don't know what you're talking about he takes his scrap paper and crumples it up

509
00:59:25,619 --> 00:59:32,579
he begins to look through his ledger and uh yeah yeah okay uh yeah yeah we can put you all in the

510
00:59:32,579 --> 00:59:37,859
same same vault there you're just dropping off gold what do you you got your you got your

511
00:59:38,659 --> 00:59:42,659
you want to drop off gold so you can have your your fanny packs or whatever they're making us

512
00:59:42,659 --> 00:59:48,259
give out now yeah can someone explain this to me like is my fanny pack filled with my

513
00:59:49,140 --> 00:59:56,580
gold is is it just like do i get like some sort of like special like some sort of special

514
00:59:56,580 --> 01:00:02,980
card or something that i can then use that accesses my gold from a different location

515
01:00:06,580 --> 01:00:13,060
i'm asking if it's a debit card is what i'm doing he tosses you a smaller book and is

516
01:00:13,059 --> 01:00:20,340
like there's your book of options and you begin to flip through it and it's just clothing options

517
01:00:22,980 --> 01:00:27,940
that will be is this a clothing store am i giving them gold and giving clothing and

518
01:00:27,940 --> 01:00:33,380
they're making it seem like it's a bank but in actuality i'm just a really high concept store

519
01:00:33,380 --> 01:00:40,900
because i'm very confused what you do is you put your money in your vault your vault dimensionally

520
01:00:40,900 --> 01:00:48,099
is linked to whatever garb you choose you reach in you are reaching into your vault

521
01:00:49,139 --> 01:00:59,380
you can grab your money i like it i will choose this um it's like a like a garter to go around

522
01:00:59,380 --> 01:01:03,619
your thigh where people could like potentially like put like so it's like a fanny pack for

523
01:01:03,619 --> 01:01:13,139
your thigh five gold okay okay what do you want i want you know when you go traveling

524
01:01:13,699 --> 01:01:20,259
not you guys probably but like seniors sure so they get like those necklaces it's like a thing

525
01:01:20,259 --> 01:01:25,619
it's like a pouch yeah they like wear under their shirts you know for safety so they

526
01:01:25,619 --> 01:01:31,299
don't get robbed i want one of those yeah he looks down at it and he looks back up to

527
01:01:31,300 --> 01:01:42,740
yeah five gold okay and you there i'm gonna go with some sort of like over the shoulder tote bag

528
01:01:43,700 --> 01:01:48,500
like a murse you're asking for a purse aren't you sure yeah why not it's all the rage with

529
01:01:48,500 --> 01:01:54,900
dwarfs nowadays fancy boy all right that's that's what we call them flint the fancy boy

530
01:01:55,460 --> 01:02:01,940
10 gold for you all right whoa it's like a lot more double the price but

531
01:02:01,940 --> 01:02:08,740
bigger it is a lot bigger you switch to the emblazoned section so what what's emblazoned

532
01:02:08,740 --> 01:02:14,180
on it puppy dogs puppy dogs are emblazoned on it that's nice i'm on board it's nice yeah and

533
01:02:14,180 --> 01:02:20,820
so he uh he grumbles and gets up and takes you down another uh lift the upsy downsy device

534
01:02:21,780 --> 01:02:28,660
and takes you what it seems like you're going for a while and takes you to a a vault points

535
01:02:28,660 --> 01:02:32,660
to different areas in he's like you put your money there you put your money there you put

536
01:02:32,660 --> 01:02:40,019
your money there and then uh takes you back up where you get your your your garb and uh you

537
01:02:40,019 --> 01:02:45,860
reach in and yeah you pull out whatever dollar value money value you want so you no

538
01:02:45,860 --> 01:02:52,500
longer have weight of money fun well it was holding us back considerably so fun invention

539
01:02:52,500 --> 01:02:58,980
fun invention russ it's like a little uh little temporal like matrix thing we got going on

540
01:02:58,980 --> 01:03:03,620
exactly before we head back to the train let's go back to ozarks i want to find out

541
01:03:04,660 --> 01:03:11,460
about that he he said the words dragon slayer which he did he sure did good words

542
01:03:11,539 --> 01:03:18,099
i'd like to hear more about that and i gotta find out about that bow i left him yes go back

543
01:03:18,099 --> 01:03:23,860
in the downsy device and it um it takes you back down to the third floor and you step off

544
01:03:23,860 --> 01:03:30,260
and you're heading back or you're already in and um uh the uh roller perception check

545
01:03:32,340 --> 01:03:36,659
16 yeah you're you're looking for you're looking around for ozark and you bump

546
01:03:36,659 --> 01:03:44,899
shoulders with somebody um and you turn and you look and you see a female elf but she has like

547
01:03:45,460 --> 01:03:49,779
ebony dark skin and stark white hair but you look at her and she looks

548
01:03:51,219 --> 01:03:59,779
astonishingly similar to you aside from those two things almost like if skin tone and hair

549
01:03:59,780 --> 01:04:07,540
aside like if you were putting up a mirror like she looks like you okay and she looks at you and

550
01:04:07,540 --> 01:04:12,660
kind of does it step back as well i lean forward i say you're gorgeous

551
01:04:15,700 --> 01:04:19,540
you as well what's your name

552
01:04:21,380 --> 01:04:24,500
mia mia famustasia

553
01:04:24,980 --> 01:04:32,099
uh i'm sorry what mia famustasia

554
01:04:35,139 --> 01:04:41,460
this is fucked up she you you're continuing looking over she she looks like she's been

555
01:04:42,019 --> 01:04:49,460
like to war like she's got scars uh scars over part of her face and arms and she carries

556
01:04:50,179 --> 01:04:57,539
you kind of notice um at her hip some sort of weird weapon and she's dressed in what looks like

557
01:04:58,740 --> 01:05:03,380
military clothing military fatigues but she's like what what's what's weird

558
01:05:05,460 --> 01:05:12,019
i mean aside from the fact that we look quite similar well my name is thea

559
01:05:14,420 --> 01:05:15,539
thea amustasia

560
01:05:15,539 --> 01:05:16,039
yeah

561
01:05:18,340 --> 01:05:26,579
kind of oh zark what do you do she hears uh from out in the hall somebody called her name

562
01:05:26,579 --> 01:05:34,259
um and she's like i i i gotta go are you around here very often no not really we're

563
01:05:34,259 --> 01:05:41,139
we're about to leave okay well i'm going i'm going off off world for a little bit um

564
01:05:41,139 --> 01:05:49,139
um which we should touch we should catch up yeah sometime yeah yeah yeah thea

565
01:05:50,019 --> 01:05:59,139
mea yeah okay okay and she leaves um and ozark comes out and he's like oh you came back good

566
01:05:59,139 --> 01:06:04,179
i got it cleaned up it's all ready to go it is what i thought it was it's a dragon slayer

567
01:06:04,180 --> 01:06:17,700
uh tell me more oh tell me more she says tell me more tell me more like does he have a car

568
01:06:18,420 --> 01:06:25,220
i mean it will help what's a car what's a car like a train car guys train car dragon slayer

569
01:06:25,380 --> 01:06:34,100
is a war yep oh right yeah um so you get it it'll help a lot so you gain a plus one bonus

570
01:06:34,100 --> 01:06:38,980
to your attack and damage rolls which i know you hit very hard anyways um made with this

571
01:06:38,980 --> 01:06:44,180
weapon specifically but when you hit a dragon with this weapon the dragon takes an extra

572
01:06:44,180 --> 01:06:53,140
three d six damage to this uh weapons type of this weapon so basically this weapon will give

573
01:06:53,139 --> 01:07:00,500
you two d ten as you hit it with a normal person it will give you two d ten plus three d six if

574
01:07:00,500 --> 01:07:05,859
you hit a dragon with it and i mean dragon refers to any dragon type creature dragon

575
01:07:07,539 --> 01:07:15,859
wyvern dragon turtle you name it dragonfly if you can hit a dragonfly i'm sure you wouldn't

576
01:07:15,860 --> 01:07:24,579
need the extra three d six uh that's neat um oh sorry i just met um i just met mia oh yeah

577
01:07:25,380 --> 01:07:32,099
what the fuck what do you mean she seems to think you did something and um well just from

578
01:07:32,099 --> 01:07:37,300
the very short time i've known you i didn't do anything what did what do you think i did

579
01:07:37,300 --> 01:07:41,059
well i don't know but there's someone walking around out there that looks almost identical to

580
01:07:41,059 --> 01:07:44,660
me yeah i mean you how long have you guys been here do you not know about the parallel

581
01:07:44,660 --> 01:07:52,660
fucking world shit no no oh jesus christ we don't have time to get in this now but next time

582
01:07:52,660 --> 01:07:58,180
i'll have an whole exposition okay there's one of you there's one of you and he's pointing

583
01:07:58,180 --> 01:08:04,820
around and it's one of you somewhere else in another world and then another world and then

584
01:08:04,820 --> 01:08:10,260
another world what do you think we're fucking here doing find a dragon i thought you were

585
01:08:10,260 --> 01:08:15,700
gonna give me that bow back oh yeah i got your bow don't you worry so there's a version of each

586
01:08:15,700 --> 01:08:22,579
of us in every one of these worlds yeah we've uh we've we're starting to tap into a few of them

587
01:08:23,220 --> 01:08:28,900
hence hence the doppelganger scenario where yeah there's there's there's some of you's everywhere

588
01:08:30,659 --> 01:08:36,420
no this is new oh mind blown all right all new information this is all right well if you want

589
01:08:36,420 --> 01:08:42,739
if you want dancin to wipe that you just let him know on the way out okay i mean or deal with it

590
01:08:42,739 --> 01:08:48,739
okay yep uh he goes into the back and brings out your arrow or your uh your your book did

591
01:08:48,739 --> 01:08:57,300
you get a bow or a crossbow it's a bow he gives you a bow and it is great i'll come up with

592
01:08:57,300 --> 01:09:00,500
something give you something better i didn't look it up beforehand okay better than my

593
01:09:00,819 --> 01:09:05,859
oh so he explains how great this this bow is which i'll cut in later and it's great

594
01:09:07,220 --> 01:09:12,819
sounds awesome don't go using it before i come up with that and he's like oh here's a couple

595
01:09:12,819 --> 01:09:17,859
fun things for the road and he tosses you a couple potions oh god well tell us what they do

596
01:09:19,539 --> 01:09:22,899
you don't want to just wing it and see what happens i'm done winging it

597
01:09:22,899 --> 01:09:26,420
well you don't drink them yourself i'll tell well i mean you could drink them yourself

598
01:09:27,140 --> 01:09:33,619
okay so there's a black potion and more of like a a sparkly rainbow potion

599
01:09:34,180 --> 01:09:39,539
well if he immediately wants a sparkly rainbow okay well explain the black one first then

600
01:09:39,539 --> 01:09:47,380
the black potion it turns people into bats for 300 hours jesus i couldn't get the time

601
01:09:47,380 --> 01:09:52,020
quite right so it just it's a long time and you got three uses with that so you need just

602
01:09:52,340 --> 01:09:58,260
equivalent of three potions in there um and the rainbowly sparkly one there it turns you into a

603
01:09:58,260 --> 01:10:03,780
nice unicorn for up to 200 hours it sounds like a child came up with these doesn't it

604
01:10:03,780 --> 01:10:08,580
and you can switch back and forth with this one to switch you must say please may i turn

605
01:10:08,580 --> 01:10:16,100
back to a human but really polite child made this right if you if while you're a unicorn

606
01:10:16,100 --> 01:10:21,140
and you get poked you get mad and you kind of rage out which gives you advantage on

607
01:10:21,140 --> 01:10:26,180
attack rolls disadvantage on ability checks and enemies have advantage on you so that's what you

608
01:10:26,180 --> 01:10:32,500
got have fun with it you know use it use it wherever you want i guess thanks i can't wait

609
01:10:32,500 --> 01:10:37,700
to dose someone with the bat potion do they have to drink it there's yeah oh yeah they

610
01:10:37,700 --> 01:10:42,100
gotta drink it all right i can't wait for you to hold someone down force feed them the bat

611
01:10:42,100 --> 01:10:47,380
potion this will be the worst thing that's happened to you this week tastes kind of

612
01:10:47,380 --> 01:10:52,100
like black licorice mix it in with something it'll it'll get there all right well come back

613
01:10:52,100 --> 01:11:01,859
you know come back before you know 38 episodes from now we'll see yeah fair enough thanks

614
01:11:01,859 --> 01:11:07,140
ozark thank you back to the train you guys head back down to the train and dancin standing

615
01:11:07,140 --> 01:11:15,539
there waiting dancin let's blow this fucking popsicle stand i don't i don't think that's

616
01:11:15,539 --> 01:11:21,939
a saying damn idea but uh all right your friends have been waiting on the train there dancin why do

617
01:11:21,939 --> 01:11:31,060
we fall i didn't i didn't prepare a fucking monologue for that i i get on the train

618
01:11:31,060 --> 01:11:40,739
yeah back on the train you get back in you go to your your suites and uh dancin fires up

619
01:11:40,739 --> 01:11:46,819
the train and you guys head off towards where are we going we gotta go meet some dragons

620
01:11:48,179 --> 01:11:56,500
to the mountains which mountain the nether mountains all right you guys motor off

621
01:11:56,500 --> 01:12:01,139
strangely falling asleep as you do as you do on the train well you know that's the motion

622
01:12:01,139 --> 01:12:09,300
it's just so comfortable yeah it really is silk sheets after a long travel you wake up

623
01:12:09,940 --> 01:12:15,140
and you look out the window and you are mountainside as the train pulls to a stop

624
01:12:16,020 --> 01:12:22,980
at the base of the nether mountains where you are expected to meet the council of the metallic

625
01:12:22,980 --> 01:12:30,660
dragons

626
01:12:48,020 --> 01:12:52,660
music in today's episode was by Kavin mcleod of incompetent.filmmusic.io

627
01:12:53,060 --> 01:13:00,900
we made it we made it we made it i was so proud of us you guys my god we made it

628
01:13:01,460 --> 01:13:06,900
old man but he's a high pitched old man russ's face while he's trying to remember this voice

629
01:13:06,900 --> 01:13:12,500
is great y'all i listened to it baby i missed you where are you nope that's flamey kens fuck

630
01:13:13,300 --> 01:13:16,500
that's definitely flamey kens that foul language

631
01:13:17,300 --> 01:13:24,819
uh she's such a potty mouth oh oh nope did anyone write down the potions because i'm having a hard

632
01:13:24,819 --> 01:13:31,060
time finding you all should have wrote down your own potions oh go golly god oh fuck different

633
01:13:31,060 --> 01:13:36,819
voice don't listen to episode two no do do listen but just you know a little asterisk

634
01:13:36,819 --> 01:13:41,699
in there russ can't nail a voice down you gotta record yourself i gotta record myself

635
01:13:42,340 --> 01:13:48,579
i have a recording device i'm ozark god your voice is very similar to my voice

636
01:13:48,579 --> 01:13:54,819
i know isn't that kind of weird this is this is flamey kens and thaddeus is thaddeus still with

637
01:13:54,819 --> 01:14:00,019
us is that who's with us like did he die on the train let's let's just say flamey in his

638
01:14:00,019 --> 01:14:04,260
sleep very peaceful let's just say flamey kens and thaddeus stayed on the train probably

639
01:14:04,260 --> 01:14:07,859
because they don't have clearance to actually be in here so we'll just that that way this

640
01:14:07,859 --> 01:14:13,619
voice is ozark's voice okay cut to a different scene that voice is flamey kens voice just less

641
01:14:13,619 --> 01:14:21,699
swears for ozark we're we're full ask your daughter did she fucking make sense she came

642
01:14:21,699 --> 01:14:29,939
up with a few potions for me that's awesome i need to punish her for something later

643
01:14:30,819 --> 01:14:36,739
you didn't forget that you got those i can't believe i remembered and no one wrote it down

644
01:14:37,539 --> 01:14:42,659
yeah no i definitely didn't have that written down i'm so proud of myself good work good remembering

645
01:14:42,659 --> 01:14:49,380
thank you remembering is the hardest part of dnd i think oh my god i did write it down fancy

646
01:14:49,380 --> 01:14:54,659
thigh highs me too uh well when you turn your key yeah i want to do it too but i'm waiting

647
01:14:54,659 --> 01:15:01,539
for new lar because i have less trust like yeah no like this isn't gonna hurt you but

648
01:15:01,539 --> 01:15:06,899
siya is a little bit concerned with her looks especially since she's going to be seeing um

649
01:15:07,539 --> 01:15:11,380
salazar for the first fucking salazar for the first yeah first time in a long time

650
01:15:12,100 --> 01:15:19,699
as a fucking minion so we just had a sip it can't be that yellow can you are you like

651
01:15:19,699 --> 01:15:26,340
i'm imagining like banana yellow like totally yellow like the banana candy in the runts like

652
01:15:26,340 --> 01:15:33,140
that level of yellow is it that level of yellow oh yeah yeah well if it's a prank potion right

653
01:15:33,140 --> 01:15:40,739
it wouldn't just be like oh you look slightly jaundiced it'd be more like holy shit you my dear

654
01:15:47,940 --> 01:15:50,980
better be something where i can change it's never good if they have to think about it

655
01:15:51,700 --> 01:15:57,540
a secretary's desk and there's a a small i think they prefer to be called office administrators

656
01:15:57,540 --> 01:16:02,500
there's an office administrator's desk and i even wrote that down i even wrote secretary

657
01:16:02,500 --> 01:16:05,300
and then erased it and wrote office administrator do you actually

658
01:16:07,300 --> 01:16:11,220
where is it but with your writing how would you ever tell that's a fair point

659
01:16:13,220 --> 01:16:17,540
yeah yeah so secretary was and i wrote i can actually see right

660
01:16:17,619 --> 01:16:24,500
oh it's like must be politically correct or not politically um but yeah there's a

661
01:16:24,500 --> 01:16:30,899
professionally correct yeah Dumbgeons and dragons is a dumb dragons production