previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons
new Laura you come out with what looks like an old great sword the hilt of it
though it's engraved with the face of a dragon
Flint you find three different potions Thea you come out with a pair of
boots that look very fancy you guys head back out the way you came you hear
the grumbling sounds over type creatures you guys you good you got
stuff didn't you I cut off one of his legs so he like like below the knee so
he falls and then I then I chop off a head we're big fan of beheading you
guys make your way up and out you hear from the waterfall as the giant
stands in the crest in the waterfall and you see his face from behind him
comes a train that explodes this giant door opens up and off steps a tall
well-dressed older gentleman right on time every time there my name is
dancin I've been sent to bring you to bring you back to the guild for a
little little stop-in visit and that he goes back up to the front of the
train the train begins to pull away um so you like died back there we're not
very good at fighting dragons so that's a bit worrying but I'm sure it'll be
fine right we'll be fine you got underwear or not I open the shirt up
and show her the blue dragon scale that is growing on my chest that's
weird as fuck train begins to pull into the station you step off onto
the platform and dancin says I'll be right here waiting for you when you're
all ready to go welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a fifth edition actual
D nope nope oh you said the name so good though you said the name so good
it was a real good start this is where editing editing magic comes in welcome to
Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a fifth edition D&D actual play podcast you
look that's out of work now we are an actual play fifth edition D&D no we are
a fifth edition we are a D&D fifth edition actual we are a D&D fifth
edition actual play podcast how long it's in your long-term memory and now
you're trying to pull it from short-term memory and that's not where
it is no just let it come out just naturally let it flow what are we
welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a fifth edition actual nope fuck
it's gone okay sorry all right well podcast over welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons we are a
D&D fifth edition addiction oh shit it's contagious we are a fifth edition D&D actual play podcast I'm
your dungeon master Russ More and with me today are all the lovely
people Tom Laird oh hey that's me shocked me there Russ yeah I play
Flint Firebeard and Carla Johnson hey that's me I play New Laura Moonbrook and Amy More that's
not me oh no wait that is me well what a twist right it's a game I can't keep up
nope I play Thea Amastasia I seriously almost said Thea New Laura yeah welcome everybody how
did you know this is episode 40 oh that's a milestone the big 4-0 I mean it's no 50 we'll
get there and 50 is gonna be almost like two full years which is crazy yeah they're both
now be what 52 if it's if we've kept on schedule mm-hmm mm-hmm all right so we have
to plan something special for 50 ish okay excellent so anywhere in the 50s we'll do
one thing very special everything else will be normal I think it should be a live like a like
a live where everyone hears all our fuck ups so you think they hear most of them 10 minutes
trying to do the intro that's true do you mean live in front of people or live the four
of us are together oh I was just thinking like live stream a game I mean I would love to be
together that sounds terrifying it does also fun I don't think people didn't come to see
we'll just get the house lights turned real low so we can't see anyone it's fine you just
turned them up very briefly at the beginning to just set that set that fear tone and then
you'd get them to turn them way down then the stage lights way up yeah you can't see
a thing I think I would actually kind of love that I think I would love playing
live in front of people me too but I have an acting background yeah so yeah exactly like I've
been on stage in front of lots of people that's no problem I can walk out it's fine you know
yeah I mean and then I'd remember like wait I'm not good at this that's the difference
they all already know that true you know what Amy true you're right no one's coming to see
us to learn how to play listen they already know we don't know how to play okay I'm gonna
need Amy to wear her pink bathrobe though if we're doing that oh god yeah you would have to
um and I'll bring some popcorn Tom can make cheesecakes I can bake things sure days okay
we have to make enough for the people in the audience which there'll be like five people so
that's yeah no kidding oh yeah 100% yeah okay I like this plan for future 50 ish yeah yeah
okay maybe maybe a hundred we'll see yeah at least like something special how about that
something special TBD sounds great I like it well yeah we'll talk about that later if you
want to see more things that are special we're on Patreon true you like like like these
beautiful faces which I'm gesturing at but you can't see but if you were a patron at
five dollars a month or higher you would get to see these these faces I wasn't comfortable
continuing to refer to myself as a beautiful face yeah well that's what we call Carla she's
the beautiful face yeah yeah Tom is a beautiful beard oh thank you thank you Russ is a beautiful
mind mm-hmm excuse me I'm going into the numbers tank just let me and I don't have
one for me so beautiful soul beautiful beautiful body I know we were all thinking it but no one
else would say it I love you Carla yeah Patreon.com slash dumb Dragoncast you can get all of this
great stuff all the time and actually that's not true once a month you get it once a month I
don't want to sell it worth Tuesday yeah I feel like I didn't I started like we started
complimenting each other this is a real problem we have we just start complimenting each other
and don't finish our thoughts if you support us on Patreon five dollars a month or higher
then once a month we do like a live goo-kang thing where people can like watch us and ask
us questions and hang out and there's an episode was really fun it was really it was
kind of just like bullshitting with friends yeah and if you support us you could get a
random shout out which I totally planned before this and I'm not just gonna go grab a name he's
not vamping for time at all vamping for time it's randomly he's gonna start scanning right
now this episode 40 is dedicated to you Darryl so thank you for being a patron you rock
thanks for binge watching the intact yeah wow damn it binge listening that's dedication and
it's a little crazy it is it's more than we generally require from our listeners yeah it's
okay to just be a casual yeah okay but not with Carly's dad this is like family we're
talking about here I meant like a casual lover of the podcast that's my casual lover of the
podcast I knew what you meant thanks oh okay you guys have just stepped off the train at the
guild of the nine shadows into a very lovely train station Danson has bid you adieu and said
he will be here when you get back at which point he'll figure out his voice previous episode
if you missed it very difficult episode for me ten minutes of bloopers where I couldn't say
a fucking thing in any any accent so we'll see if it gets better you head on your way as you
have to take it gets better I don't think that's what the hashtag is for oh is that not it I
don't think so okay where are you guys heading okay you'll get it Tom you'll get it it's fine
I would like to go see somebody about these potions that we got okay the best bet that
you know of in the in the guild would be Ozarks Bizard if that's the first star you want to make
let's go there cuz he's got he's got all that good shit he got it all going on yeah you got
it all going on so as you remember Ozarks Bizard is on the third floor so you head yeah I
totally remember that Russ you didn't remember that you head to the lifting machine the the
elevator that's what it is that's what it is they're referred to as lifting machines
in there now in this word they're called lifting machines and you hit the third floor and you
head up and it opens up right into Ozarks Bizard which is a very incense filled room as you
remember and it's quite there are a couple people kind of milling about lots of cushions
around I imagine it to be tapestries yeah yeah I imagine like like what a like a Maharashtra
yes yes that's what I picture too but like with treasures everywhere yes yeah yeah like
with some soft sitar music in the background too yeah exactly yeah you don't see Ozark
directly but you do see some other people human one one male one female a dwarf and
an elephant both males and then the the front you could call it a desk area it's not really
like a cash area because there's very little cash dealings in the guild they just kind of
give you shit but there's a bell on there you want to go ring it or talk to anybody oh yeah
Sia loves a good bell so she just walks over and just ding ding ding ding ding ding
Ozark baby you here hello good to see you all again Ozark it's good to see you too he comes out
of the beaded curtain as he does and he's exactly as you remember him he's a crotchety
looking old man with a bit of a flair and very nice robes and he says oh my goodness
it's the Nulara and Flint welcome back it's good to be back where have you guys been for
so long I don't I don't get told much no we've been we've been everywhere went to the Misty
Forest for a while and it's been we've been everywhere been a while since I've been there
oh what brings you back what brings you back here we're hoping you can help us solve a little
mystery about some items we found a mystery yeah I love mysteries what kind of things show
me also for real y'all I wrote down all the potions I just have mine but because I'm real
selfish like that I think I show me show me I have I think I have a red potion that Glimers
when something happens that is illegible so yes a red liquid Glimering potion okay yes
he he he takes it from you and shakes and he says oh yes yes this is this let me test it
here just two seconds and he grabs out like a little eyedropper of and goes to the table
and pulls out a series of like papers and stuff and drops a little bit on and starts
to like it doesn't spark but it like there's a reaction and a little smoking and he says
yeah this is this is just a a potion of healing funny that it smokes trust me it's
fine and what what kind of healing does it do tell me it does amazing healing it if you
were to talk about it in weird like breaking a fourth wall since it would probably be
like 4d8 plus six and he tosses it back to you thanks Ozark all right I've got
a couple other potions here does do you have any more Carla I think that's my
only one I also got a rusty sword what should I do that rusty short what's that on your hip
there rushy short sure sure sure sure sure the guild is supposed to be top-notch you're carrying
around rusty shitty swords what is that so I hand him an old dirty rusty sword with an
engraved hilt with the face of a dragon on it hmm you think this is anything this piece
of trash that I've apparently I mean on the surface we don't like to judge books by their
cover here but on the surface this is a piece of garbage on digging below and he starts to
flick away some of the rust and dirt and he's more focused on the the hilt of it and he says
this I'm gonna need to run a couple tests and clean it up a little bit just to be sure but
I've heard of something called a dragon slayer and this design fits the bill so if it is come back
before you leave and I'll just make sure that it is and if it's garbage well it's garbage but
trust me I'll tell you if it is because you guys go up against a lot of dragons how's that
going by the way not but hey we are currently all alive that's very well phrased I like it
all right what else you got Tom what did I get I believe you got a silk robe with gold
embroidery if I remember correctly that was that he is oh sorry so yeah not not there okay did
we bring it for him so that he knows what to do with it or did he already know he was
wearing he was wearing that motherfucker he's not giving that up because you guys were trying
to steal it from him I remember being like dude can I have that and he was all like just
straight up Mike you know it would look better on me anyway your old-ass fanny's looks
terrible whatever he'll die soon anyway and I'll take it off his body I also have sorry he's
one of our best friend NPCs fucking you guys can kill you for your if I die you guys feel
free to just like you know hey look through my pocket to know whatever you want ditto yeah I'm
on board with that plan I have a yellow potion that was written down that I don't have attributed
to anyone was that for Amy maybe that's mine sure yeah yellow potion oh yeah he takes a look
at the potion says like unless it's really good and that I want it back yeah for real
like flips it around and checks it out and holds it up to the light there and he says
well it kind of looks like pee but it's probably not I mean who puts pee in such a nice flask
not most people he does the same kind of test okay doesn't smoke up take a swig of
it's a dangerous game oh yeah yeah it gives him a look like smells the potion doesn't smell
like it doesn't it smells kind of fruity like maybe they ate a lot of pineapple before
Ozark my man I trust you and and see it takes like the little sip you take the little
sip and you don't feel anything wrong and he's like yeah yep that's exactly what I
thought it was puts the stopper back on it and hands it back to you new Laura and
Flint you see the skin begin to change yellow okay it's a prank potion so roll the d4 I'm not
using your dice rolling it's a two so your skin might change back in about two weeks
I think you're what that's what it says oh wow Ozarks kind of a dick yes yeah is not
happy sorry happy at all I'm not even to carry this fucking put like who like why why
I'm gonna keep it anyway put it in my bag what else you got over there the other one I have two
more written down I'm not sure if they were attributed to me or to Thaddeus but we'll say
they attributed to you because I think you found a good number of them anyways okay there
is a what's a new potion with a small drop of red that expands and contracts mm-hmm does
those are go what does this one do he looks at it and doesn't have to do any test he's like
that's a potion of dim dim diminish dim diminution dimmin diminution it makes
you small or it makes whoever drinks it small how small safe would you like to
test it on me see it's a little bit better no I didn't know it wasn't gonna hurt you
yeah there's no reason why I shouldn't be yellow for two weeks hmm well I mean it'll
cause for some interesting RP or opportunities a question about that potion there Ozark do
people have to drink it or does it just have to come into contact with that no they got
to drink it so yeah it basically reduces you to like half half your size for 1d4 hours and
yeah that's that's that's about it okay I got one more it's a it's a red liquid with
a small sliver of something in it small sliver of something yes that this could be
mm-hmm mm-hmm and he he takes a small swig himself and he come on no you know he takes
a small swig himself the one that makes you rich this one makes your penis enormous
really was it's a good thing this is an audio me yeah you just scarred people for life it's
fine and he walks over to what looks like he's what looks like it's just a very large
iron statue and he's like Flint Flint you come and try and lift this for me all right do
anything or do I just fail miserably roll a strength check so that's a six so yeah you can
you just it's been a long day and you just I mean even though you had a long rest on on
the train but you feel like you can't lift this so it's it's a very heavy object and
needless to say but he goes up to it and he takes one hand and he lifts it like above
his head tosses the potion back to you and says it's a potion of what I believe is fire
giant strength well all right then what do I need to know about that from a technical side
of things for us so when you drink this potion your strength score changes for one hour to in
this case the type of a fire giant which boosts it up to 25 Wow you so strong and what's a bonus
on a plus 25 well 20 is plus 5 so 20 is 5 6 7 so it'll be a plus 7 total I think for just
for strength so yeah but that probably is what yours is for all your weapons and stuff yeah for
it yeah for any yeah yeah cuz you're a big strong boy you're a big old axe and he says
anything else you got yeah I think that's everything I have written down anyway there
was a thing for flammokins but she's not with us then we can't really get an answer
about that boots on oh man I got these that high boots going on anything special about these
apart from how amazing how look I was gonna say how much they clash with my new skin
banana skin tone at this moment oh and when she says banana that glowing orb that I got
in the dragon's cave like comes out of my bag oh you got a drift boat too those are fun hard to
hide but I mean they let you see a lot yeah that's really funny I remembered cuz it just
happened yeah looks at the boots and begins flipping through flipping through a book those
I'm not mistaking our boots of levitation Oh shut up I don't mind being yellow so while
you wear these boots you can use an action to cast the levitate spell on yourself at will
that's fun good oh I I do have that bow as well I think it might just be a standard bow but I
might as well ask them since we're here yeah you hand him the bow and he looks it over as well
it's just a it's just a regular bow but if you leave it with me I can make it a little
bit fancier oh yeah I mean oh I like fancy I mean I never knew you to be a bowman but
I mean stranger things have happened yeah I've got some shit going on every now and then
there's as well I mean I've been waiting for you guys to come by you remember these and he
pulls three keys out of his pocket and we stare blankly at him having no memory of
second isn't this how we get our things yeah it's like our safety deposit box our
surprise safety deposit box it's like well is this the exact conversation we had last time this
happened probably but like probably did you guys ever grow up and get your hair cut at like some
kind of chain haircut thing and you put your hair in the thing and like spun a thing and then
it did a whole thing and then you got a prize I never once heard of that but it sounds
amazing really fucked up and weird what what's like your hair you use your hair like a quarter
to get a trinket yeah so like when I was a kid it's like a government program to collect
no like I this is my recollection of how it worked I was a small child but when you got
your haircut you would like get some of it just like off the floor they'd like hand you
some or whatever right like they cut your hair it's wherever and then you put it in
like like a magic cabinet and you put it in and you close the door and then you like spin the
thing like a turnstile thing you know and then a price came out it was just like a you know
it didn't it didn't make a prize with the hair guys just was like I'm gonna go immediately
into the garbage but it was like it was like a vacuum type situation just to take the hair
away I see anyway so just me I dream no okay I'm gonna say that there was like a string of
unsolved murders that all have like freshly clipped hair on the scene and they've never
once found a suspect for a little did we know it was the beaners haircutting store
yeah exactly okay well so yeah anyways let's not let's not add that part in this like
slandering all this bullshit about hair has been cut out don't worry okay not beaners great
clips let's not slander anything ultra cuts no that exists to super cuts that also exists I
think that's a thing yeah great no banging expectation that's one store done somewhere in
the states it's like we're gonna need a salon in game called bang and bangs they just opened
up upstairs if you want to go get yourself a little walk off of sorts okay so I guess I'm
gonna like take a key yeah you want the key the walls over there good lord talking about
here for so goddamn long what you like SRP thank you Ozark do I get to pick one or does
he give me one of the three I can't recall doesn't matter okay then I take one and walk
over to the wall and put it in a slot and turn it roll your percentile dies I will
I got it ten so or or a or a one however you want that so the the mechanisms behind the wall
go and it releases a small capsule and she didn't even have to put her hair in didn't
know hair required and you you crack it open and inside there is a kinder surprise a tiny
princess and I love it there is a what looks like a boat a palm-sized broach of sorts doesn't
have a pin on the back but it kind of looks like a shield and Ozark quickly snatches it
from you and goes and looks in his book and yeah yep yep this this here and gives it back
to you is what they call an animated shield and what does that mean so when you got to do
is while holding this shield you can speak its command word as a bonus action to cause it to
animate the shield leaps into the air and hovers in a space to protect you as if you
were wielding it leaving your hands free oh that's awesome the shield remains animated
for one minute until you use a bonus action to end this effect or until you're
incapacitated or die which you never do right almost never I don't want to say never mm-hmm
good good at which point the shield falls to the ground or into your hand if you have
one free and and I said it was a small thing but it's an actual fucking shield I misread
that okay yeah so there's a large capsule that comes out it's massive and you crack
that open and there is a large shield inside if she looks special shield way up is she going
to see like a gumball like way at the top like a gumball machine type dome that has
all these capsules in it and one just kind of like rolls down that's what I'm picturing right
now Ozarks says just next next time you come in I'll show you where it all comes from don't
next time next time I have time to plan for that bullshit Russ can you I like that you
answered as Ozark yes I'm trying to keep the voice I liked it um is there like more
stats to that that you just want to send me it gives you a plus two to your AC okay Ozark
what is the command word you tell me oh god I'm so good at making these up you guys it's the
best the first time you say it it will be so okay think about what you're likely to yell in
a battle Nulara like holy shit or oh fuck this or so far I have these are my things
banana and these are right command words so far first round Nulara is just talking to
herself I'm gonna I'm gonna float something out there shieldy McShield face and you don't you
don't have to say it until you want it to animate so it will just be a shield that you
have to use until you give the command word okay so it's always plus two days see if I'm
holding it but I don't have to hold it and I'm sorry how long does it last one minute so ten
rounds okay and then it just drops into your hand or to the ground if you're no longer near
it you're dead can I I'm gonna I'm gonna think about it yeah get back to me on that all right
who's next I am roll it turn it I put my key in and I turn it and I get the exact same
world that I rolled last time an actual smaller capsule comes down this time after the mechanisms
go and releases and you crack it open and out comes a necklace with what looks like like a
disk with an etching and carving of armor but not armor for a person armor armor for more
of an animal he looks at it and checks his book and he says yeah we're getting this a
little more fine-tuned here this is what they call an amulet of barding so you shapeshifter
when you shape shift you shape shift into an animal that will now have armor on them as long
as you are wearing this giving awesome as your as your animal figure plus three to your AC
you'll be the toughest wolf in all the realm I will be what do I have to say to make this work
you just have to wear it neat I put it on what color is it what color is it I think it I think
there's like a like an emerald in it or something sure sure yeah all right Flint you're
all right I grab my key and walk over and throw it in the wall turn it and 90
machine and I'm crushed to death by a large capsule and just the biggest motherfucking
thing drops from the sky not even from the little the boulder from Indiana Jones
and just crushes me yeah no one about the size of a we'll say like a melon comes out and you
crack it open and there are there are bracers inside and they have intricately designed bows
and arrows and he looks at it and he doesn't even need to check his book he's like those
you're really leaning towards that archery bullshit those are bracers of archery so when
you're wearing those you get a plus two plus your proficiency and all that to your attack
and damage rolls on top of everything else you already have for any such proficiency and he
looks to Donnie and he says last time I think we forgot you Donnie and he hands Donnie a tiny
key and there's a there's a smaller keyhole beside the large one there's like a special
animal best friend keyhole we've upgraded since the last time since the last time you
guys came through seems like years ago and Donnie turns it and outcomes a yeah a small
capsule that Nularaaa I assume you break open and it's a small gold collar and Ozark looks at it
and checks it out and he's like well you you keep that on him that's what is called a collar
of evolution so as Donnie permits while wearing it he will turn into a gold dragon wormling
how much bigger is a wormling than a pseudo dragon well a pseudo dragon is like cat size a
wormling is what's called a medium dragon so they are bigger I will send you all the stats
and stuff that is exciting that is so cool I'm so excited for Donnie yeah Donnie's gonna be
baller I don't think you'd ever say no to that you'd be like Donnie now and you'd be like I don't
feel like it is it do I ask him or it's when he wants to he well I mean I mean we speak
psychically all the time so it's like we're sympathetic you can command him but he you
know as as action takes place he can as a bonus action morph into a green or a gold
that's really fun Ozark I know what I want my my shield command word to be so I guess I'm like
holding the shield and I'm gonna make it happen my my command word is going to be Contego
that's Latin for protect or defend trying to class I'm trying to class this shit up a little
bit more than banana like it I thought it was like banana I thought it was like one of those
water bottles that they carry around these days well you can find a pack of three of
those for a really decent price at fantasy Costco it's true sure yeah yeah so those
Contigo water bottles must exist in game because they have them at fantasy Costco right
naturally yeah all right you got it and it leaps in the air in front of you and as if you
were holding it it it moves and follows your your your direction so fun I'll check out that
sword there for you get it all cleaned up and see if it's something um otherwise good
seeing you guys yeah oh sorry just quick question yeah do you have anything in here
that can cure a prank potion I mean yeah but it's kind of funny this way he's chuckles
to himself and goes goes into the back and comes out and has sent you a small file and
that'll take care of it oh man guys I don't know whether or not I should drink it yeah he does
like a prank we've learned hey apparently so I open it and I take a little swig you gotta
drink the whole thing my dear oh my god I drink the whole thing and you look at your
hands and the yellow begins going away it's so for a second body was gonna say like it's
darker like oh yeah exactly right now you're glowing in yellow yeah thank you yeah yeah no
problem thanks Ozark see you later where you guys want to go now where should we go now
rest so you've you've got your rooms the where Salazar's office we probably should check in
how's your skin tone looking you ready yeah it's slowly fading okay okay so yeah he's up on the
top top floor course you get back in back in the lifting device and and get lifted yeah it
there's a whole bunch of numbers and indeterminate amount of numbers and we press the highest one
you press the one that says top oh how about not even a number not even penthouse top no
top okay oh they don't have the word penthouse in this universe no no no naturally and it you
feel force as you rise up and you it overlooks basically the entire innards of the guild of
the nine shadows which is very intricately designed and there are golden silver works
and you see people working and running about and you slow to a stop and it opens up into
the top floor and you follow a hallway and you get to an office administrators desk there's
a smaller halfling female with big bushy permed hair and she looks up from her desk and she says
you adventurers oh it's good to see you guys there it's it's if Salazar here we'd love to
see him oh he's not here no oh he said he's out on a mission he I mean he said to let
you know that he was he was hoping he'd be back disease you remember me right
Enid Enid's the name Enid how are you Enid your hair looks great thank you I just had
it done down at the the bangly bangs or whatever they call themselves bang and bang
bang and bangs thank you yes you oh I hope you swing by they do a wonderful job I think
the only hairstyle they do though so real misnomer with the name if it's called bang and
bangs but what they do is per the hairstyle that's best known for bangs they're new on
the scene well it looks great you look fantastic you know well thank you don't you know I mean
it's good to see you guys he's he's out on some top-secret mission he said you could swing
by the war room if you wanted to go talk to the Colonel over there oh you should make sure you
swing by the vault too they've got this new new technology it's pretty fancy-dancy you just
put all your money in it and then you get a little what they call it you can either get a
fanny pack of holding or or a coin purse of holding what about cargo shorts of holding
it's been a while since I've been down there they may have some some devices like that too
okay well we'll we'll we'll swing by and and check it out and we'll we'll go to the war
room too thanks Enid yeah absolutely swing by any time there I'll let Salazar know to get
in touch with you once he once he gets back he's been gone for a while though so I mean
should be back soon are you know where he went it's top-secret confidential is what he
told me um I just say he's out fishing if somebody calls but I mean you guys are best buds you go
back wait a long time true we do so yeah I don't know where he is all right thanks Enid sorry
okay thanks Enid does Thea just look like totally crestfallen with this development
I got unyellowed for him I take the yellow potion back that means but you guys hold me
back okay so we go back to the lifting device I'm gonna we're gonna call it a slightly different
thing every time we refer to it I think the lift atron 3000 like it mm-hmm mm-hmm hey don't
don't waste them Tom we got more places to go do you want to go to the war room to see the
Colonel or the vault to get some fanny packs I think Colonel first okay is there a button in
the elevator that says war room or do we remember if we remember right we were here
for a while before we know how to get there yeah you remember it's on the top floor oh we
we walk out sheepishly cuz her desk is like right there and we're like this way yeah it's
still down the hall there don't worry dears and yep I whisper we can't come back here you walk
down the hall and there's the large double doors at the end of the hall which you
remember to be the war room do you knock do you walk in what do you do oh we walk in kick
the door open on our way in or what okay yeah that's fine no you know what you could take
your super strength and just like fucking rip the doors off their hinges gonna waste my
potion to open totally worth it you enter and it's a it's a very busy room and there are many
people sitting around the edge and in the center there is a glowing map or a plane you
know a map of is it real paper map or have we walked in on like some CSI shit where it's
like all like a 3d more like more like that like strange technologies that that you don't
remember seeing the last time you were here I mean you didn't spend a lot of time in the
war room probably because you weren't as high up but you walk in and you see what looks to
be you know the highest ranking individual as he's talking to some some other people and he
looks over to you and he's gonna help you yeah we're and then we just pause just in case
someone has like a brilliant name for our group still though no perfect but there was
some good suggestions in the Facebook group I don't accept any of them because it's
happen organically like I don't know how but we might be passed I don't think you guys as
these characters will ever have a name for your agreed and that's fine wonderful
so I say we're new Laura yeah amistad's yeah what Flint fire beer right right yeah Salazar
told me that you you guys might be stopping by can't tell you where he went is there
anything I can I can assist you with like do you guys need like a rundown from us is
there a debriefing that needs to happen we've been given let me put it this way you guys are
flying solo on this now thank you what we have been given direct orders to not interfere in
other realms business so the most we can do is send you in but if anybody comes back to us
from our organization or higher which there is higher we we deny that you guys exist so I'm
very sorry that I'm the one who has to tell you this and you are sir oh me yes yeah no I'm please
be Colonel mustard please be Colonel mustard Baron of bad news that's what I'm Colonel
Reginald thermopolis is my name Reggie Reggie T it is so what you're saying is your organization
no longer cares about the rise of Tiamat because now we're flying solo or is someone
else working on this specific issue he looks around he kind of drawn attention from the
room and he's like step step into my office here and you follow him into a an offshoot and
he closes the door and say sit if you like but after we sent in the armor to help your
military at Mirabar technically not our military the military of Mirabar okay let's I sit down on a
giant beach chair he sits down at one of the like one of the bouncy balls that firm up his
core yeah yeah you know he looks like a guy who works his core a lot yeah we I mean it went
along with a whole string of other things that we've been kind of playing with but we've been
told that we interfere too much in the world's issues is that as a plural not a singular world
owning so we've been trying to fly as much under the radar as we possibly can not to say
that we don't want to help you and we will try our very hardest to help you but you guys
need to take the lead where you can Dancin in the train will do his best to get you where
you need to go as he may have said maybe not you know we were doing this before we knew
your organization existed I think we will be okay without your particular branding stamped
on us if you do not want to publicly fund this little mission but let me just say when we stop
the rise of Tiamat everyone will know it was the still nothing band of something I think we
should be a band oh okay that's a good starting point yeah yeah yeah I understand and I wish I
wish Salazar was here to to break it more eloquently than than I may have but he's he's
gone he's been gone for a while and can you at least tell us where he went no why don't
say top secret everything that happens here is top secret yeah can you tell us that he's okay
not bad either hey Reginald Thermopolis not a lot not a lot from you anything any good
news this has been just bad bad bad got anything good any good news um hmm uh tippy
you guys like tippy yeah he might might might have heard from him oh well not directly we've
been keeping an eye on on his his plane the the mechanist plane and it appears you remember
how it you know was destroyed by an evil god and like everything disappeared and yeah yeah
back in time somehow to be yeah went back in time to get there it popped back up on the
map we're not sure how it happened he hasn't touched base he hasn't he hasn't reconnected
that's okay because it turns out no one works for you anymore hmm zing he is throwing shade
all over the place I can appreciate that I can appreciate that if you hear from him we will
be sure to not let you know because you don't give a flying fuck about us anymore also I thought
tippy was a girl no tippy's definitely always been a male character no but remember that one
time I thought it was a girl I don't know maybe that's confusing it's hard to gender of robot
right can someone explain robots to me tippy's in an androgynous creation so you know who
created tippy in their world creatures okay yeah we're getting too deep here that's for another
episode long long ways from now when when tippy comes back and it's hard not to have these like
really kind of deep existential conversations when you're so relaxed on a big chair like
I am you just want to talk about like world where do we feel like where do we come from
changed after she died we had a hair braiding situation she was more open and like feeling
than she has ever been that's true maybe maybe we're seeing a little bit of a softer
side of Nulara she realizes man life is fleeting why do I put up these walls you
know like walls Nulara especially when I'm a human like I'm gonna die so much before you
guys I know I'll probably forget about you before I die I mean you didn't have to say it
like that exactly Reginald Thermopolis it's just like not this whole conversation that
is happening in character in game in his office right now and then I say oh by the
way we don't care about him anymore because he just told us to like take a fucking flying
leap so well do you think that he would care that um um I can't wait to hear what you're
gonna say right now no I just I forgot his name um he gave a shit about narenvane at all
because he's kind of like a leader's son like you care about narenvane like is that
like is anything like what is on your radar like if now you guys are pulling back what
do you care about is it all just like under the radar stuff and everything's still okay
and you just can't put anything on the books or are you really like fuck the world let's
just see where it goes believe believe me we are doing what we can to help you
I cannot say how we are doing that at this moment but know that we are still in your
corner but we cannot send in mass forces for fear of disrupting the bAlydince of the universe
okay of the universe so wait we had access to mass forces this whole time and didn't use them
and we asked you once for armor and now we're cut off fuck we should have asked for more you
guys it's true little missed opportunity well next time yep um we will provide you with what
you need um as you need it um but we we cannot we cannot send in uh large you have to you have
to try and make this work okay so just keep doing what we're doing then okay got it perfect
uh well i'm awkwardly getting up out of me bag chair now there's no way to not awkwardly
get up out of this do you do you take like a good 30 seconds to do it and we're like
we're ready to leave but we're watching you and everyone's just like i end up just like rolling
onto my knees and then standing up because it's all a choice it's you know at some point you
just gotta you just gotta leave the room in a huff it's hard to it's hard to huff out of a
room from a beanbag chair it really is this is a lesson learned yeah that gives you a little
bit of a takes takes a wind out of your sails a little bit like well we're leaving
yeah and then all the beanbag adding beanbag noise right we'll have to
whatever that beanbag fully will be like a bag of rice i can imagine i'm not sure
yeah sure yeah okay well oh yeah perfect yeah so we go those like those bags you put in like
the microwave and warm up yeah like magic bags or whatever they are yeah yeah uh as you as you
leave uh his office he he doesn't say anything but you look back to the glowing map and you
now see that it's illuminated in a way that it appears to be showing hundreds of
thousands of modron type creatures tippy type creatures forming what looks to be some sort of
strategic military take a little mental picture that's fun yeah uh do question do we still have
a radio i'm pretty sure new laura still has it yeah uh okay do you guys want to hit the vault
yeah let's go vault it up might as well
ouch feeling a bit abandoned there sorry about that folks but i mean
you had a 40 episode cutoff hey there i'm your dungeon master Russ More thank you for
joining us for episode 40 of Dumbgeons and Dragons titled return to the guild first off a bit of a
rundown for the schedule coming up june is going to be a fun and busy month of releases on the
channel here we will have our two regular episodes one of which includes our mega big
ultimate podcast crossover episode that includes the talents of victoria rogers from the broad
swords katie maywebber from dungeons dice and everything nice keith ross from bros and
dragons kurtis boland from Dumbgeons and Dragons and daughters and jeremy aLexa from the dice
unkind that happens june 6th then june as well is women in tabletop gaming month so we will have
two bonus episodes released on our off weeks where amy and carla have for the first time
dm'd their own super fun one shots those will come out june 13th and 27th get ready
for those another way you can support us as always is directly by joining the Patreon
community over at Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast you can have your say in how the dumb dragon
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because you rock supporting us on Patreon makes the show better with each episode and allows us
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including that facebook group where you can join and potentially win your very own copy of morden
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be using it at your gaming table the next episode will be out June 6th with our mega big podcast
crossover episode share with your friends let them know about us and hit subscribe if you
haven't already let's get there though and see what's next for the adventures as they wrap up
their visit to the guild of the nine shadows have a great couple weeks we'll talk soon
go in the lift evader the lift atron yeah
uh and it is on the sixth floor as you recall so you hit the sixth floor and you go down
and it opens up into a very busy bank like situation big carved archways and there is an
open teller he's looking down at a at a scrap paper that he's writing on there not not like
a ledger or anything but literally like a post-it like like it's kind of ripped like he ripped it
out of this is a super professional place you guys i walk up to him and i say hello good sir
he looks up oh yeah we would like to enter the vault who are you where
are you here i just need a fucking name oh sorry yeah amistacia yeah we that's what we've been
working on all right yeah exactly sir we just need a fucking name okay see the uh amistacia you
you and you you your names what are your names oh names oh sorry i didn't know what you're
looking back at them like he reaches and pulls don't be weird reaches and pulls a larger ledger
oh you guys it okay sorry larger than his scrap piece of paper yeah yeah this is a this is a
legit ledger and you look down at the scrap piece of paper it looks like he was doodling
oh nice yeah so you like what you've got going on there it's a hard have boobies
i don't know what you're talking about he takes his scrap paper and crumples it up
he begins to look through his ledger and uh yeah yeah okay uh yeah yeah we can put you all in the
same same vault there you're just dropping off gold what do you you got your you got your
you want to drop off gold so you can have your your fanny packs or whatever they're making us
give out now yeah can someone explain this to me like is my fanny pack filled with my
gold is is it just like do i get like some sort of like special like some sort of special
card or something that i can then use that accesses my gold from a different location
i'm asking if it's a debit card is what i'm doing he tosses you a smaller book and is
like there's your book of options and you begin to flip through it and it's just clothing options
that will be is this a clothing store am i giving them gold and giving clothing and
they're making it seem like it's a bank but in actuality i'm just a really high concept store
because i'm very confused what you do is you put your money in your vault your vault dimensionally
is linked to whatever garb you choose you reach in you are reaching into your vault
you can grab your money i like it i will choose this um it's like a like a garter to go around
your thigh where people could like potentially like put like so it's like a fanny pack for
your thigh five gold okay okay what do you want i want you know when you go traveling
not you guys probably but like seniors sure so they get like those necklaces it's like a thing
it's like a pouch yeah they like wear under their shirts you know for safety so they
don't get robbed i want one of those yeah he looks down at it and he looks back up to
yeah five gold okay and you there i'm gonna go with some sort of like over the shoulder tote bag
like a murse you're asking for a purse aren't you sure yeah why not it's all the rage with
dwarfs nowadays fancy boy all right that's that's what we call them flint the fancy boy
10 gold for you all right whoa it's like a lot more double the price but
bigger it is a lot bigger you switch to the emblazoned section so what what's emblazoned
on it puppy dogs puppy dogs are emblazoned on it that's nice i'm on board it's nice yeah and
so he uh he grumbles and gets up and takes you down another uh lift the upsy downsy device
and takes you what it seems like you're going for a while and takes you to a a vault points
to different areas in he's like you put your money there you put your money there you put
your money there and then uh takes you back up where you get your your your garb and uh you
reach in and yeah you pull out whatever dollar value money value you want so you no
longer have weight of money fun well it was holding us back considerably so fun invention
fun invention russ it's like a little uh little temporal like matrix thing we got going on
exactly before we head back to the train let's go back to ozarks i want to find out
about that he he said the words dragon slayer which he did he sure did good words
i'd like to hear more about that and i gotta find out about that bow i left him yes go back
in the downsy device and it um it takes you back down to the third floor and you step off
and you're heading back or you're already in and um uh the uh roller perception check
16 yeah you're you're looking for you're looking around for ozark and you bump
shoulders with somebody um and you turn and you look and you see a female elf but she has like
ebony dark skin and stark white hair but you look at her and she looks
astonishingly similar to you aside from those two things almost like if skin tone and hair
aside like if you were putting up a mirror like she looks like you okay and she looks at you and
kind of does it step back as well i lean forward i say you're gorgeous
you as well what's your name
mia mia famustasia
uh i'm sorry what mia famustasia
this is fucked up she you you're continuing looking over she she looks like she's been
like to war like she's got scars uh scars over part of her face and arms and she carries
you kind of notice um at her hip some sort of weird weapon and she's dressed in what looks like
military clothing military fatigues but she's like what what's what's weird
i mean aside from the fact that we look quite similar well my name is thea
thea amustasia
yeah
kind of oh zark what do you do she hears uh from out in the hall somebody called her name
um and she's like i i i gotta go are you around here very often no not really we're
we're about to leave okay well i'm going i'm going off off world for a little bit um
um which we should touch we should catch up yeah sometime yeah yeah yeah thea
mea yeah okay okay and she leaves um and ozark comes out and he's like oh you came back good
i got it cleaned up it's all ready to go it is what i thought it was it's a dragon slayer
uh tell me more oh tell me more she says tell me more tell me more like does he have a car
i mean it will help what's a car what's a car like a train car guys train car dragon slayer
is a war yep oh right yeah um so you get it it'll help a lot so you gain a plus one bonus
to your attack and damage rolls which i know you hit very hard anyways um made with this
weapon specifically but when you hit a dragon with this weapon the dragon takes an extra
three d six damage to this uh weapons type of this weapon so basically this weapon will give
you two d ten as you hit it with a normal person it will give you two d ten plus three d six if
you hit a dragon with it and i mean dragon refers to any dragon type creature dragon
wyvern dragon turtle you name it dragonfly if you can hit a dragonfly i'm sure you wouldn't
need the extra three d six uh that's neat um oh sorry i just met um i just met mia oh yeah
what the fuck what do you mean she seems to think you did something and um well just from
the very short time i've known you i didn't do anything what did what do you think i did
well i don't know but there's someone walking around out there that looks almost identical to
me yeah i mean you how long have you guys been here do you not know about the parallel
fucking world shit no no oh jesus christ we don't have time to get in this now but next time
i'll have an whole exposition okay there's one of you there's one of you and he's pointing
around and it's one of you somewhere else in another world and then another world and then
another world what do you think we're fucking here doing find a dragon i thought you were
gonna give me that bow back oh yeah i got your bow don't you worry so there's a version of each
of us in every one of these worlds yeah we've uh we've we're starting to tap into a few of them
hence hence the doppelganger scenario where yeah there's there's there's some of you's everywhere
no this is new oh mind blown all right all new information this is all right well if you want
if you want dancin to wipe that you just let him know on the way out okay i mean or deal with it
okay yep uh he goes into the back and brings out your arrow or your uh your your book did
you get a bow or a crossbow it's a bow he gives you a bow and it is great i'll come up with
something give you something better i didn't look it up beforehand okay better than my
oh so he explains how great this this bow is which i'll cut in later and it's great
sounds awesome don't go using it before i come up with that and he's like oh here's a couple
fun things for the road and he tosses you a couple potions oh god well tell us what they do
you don't want to just wing it and see what happens i'm done winging it
well you don't drink them yourself i'll tell well i mean you could drink them yourself
okay so there's a black potion and more of like a a sparkly rainbow potion
well if he immediately wants a sparkly rainbow okay well explain the black one first then
the black potion it turns people into bats for 300 hours jesus i couldn't get the time
quite right so it just it's a long time and you got three uses with that so you need just
equivalent of three potions in there um and the rainbowly sparkly one there it turns you into a
nice unicorn for up to 200 hours it sounds like a child came up with these doesn't it
and you can switch back and forth with this one to switch you must say please may i turn
back to a human but really polite child made this right if you if while you're a unicorn
and you get poked you get mad and you kind of rage out which gives you advantage on
attack rolls disadvantage on ability checks and enemies have advantage on you so that's what you
got have fun with it you know use it use it wherever you want i guess thanks i can't wait
to dose someone with the bat potion do they have to drink it there's yeah oh yeah they
gotta drink it all right i can't wait for you to hold someone down force feed them the bat
potion this will be the worst thing that's happened to you this week tastes kind of
like black licorice mix it in with something it'll it'll get there all right well come back
you know come back before you know 38 episodes from now we'll see yeah fair enough thanks
ozark thank you back to the train you guys head back down to the train and dancin standing
there waiting dancin let's blow this fucking popsicle stand i don't i don't think that's
a saying damn idea but uh all right your friends have been waiting on the train there dancin why do
we fall i didn't i didn't prepare a fucking monologue for that i i get on the train
yeah back on the train you get back in you go to your your suites and uh dancin fires up
the train and you guys head off towards where are we going we gotta go meet some dragons
to the mountains which mountain the nether mountains all right you guys motor off
strangely falling asleep as you do as you do on the train well you know that's the motion
it's just so comfortable yeah it really is silk sheets after a long travel you wake up
and you look out the window and you are mountainside as the train pulls to a stop
at the base of the nether mountains where you are expected to meet the council of the metallic
dragons
music in today's episode was by Kavin mcleod of incompetent.filmmusic.io
we made it we made it we made it i was so proud of us you guys my god we made it
old man but he's a high pitched old man russ's face while he's trying to remember this voice
is great y'all i listened to it baby i missed you where are you nope that's flamey kens fuck
that's definitely flamey kens that foul language
uh she's such a potty mouth oh oh nope did anyone write down the potions because i'm having a hard
time finding you all should have wrote down your own potions oh go golly god oh fuck different
voice don't listen to episode two no do do listen but just you know a little asterisk
in there russ can't nail a voice down you gotta record yourself i gotta record myself
i have a recording device i'm ozark god your voice is very similar to my voice
i know isn't that kind of weird this is this is flamey kens and thaddeus is thaddeus still with
us is that who's with us like did he die on the train let's let's just say flamey in his
sleep very peaceful let's just say flamey kens and thaddeus stayed on the train probably
because they don't have clearance to actually be in here so we'll just that that way this
voice is ozark's voice okay cut to a different scene that voice is flamey kens voice just less
swears for ozark we're we're full ask your daughter did she fucking make sense she came
up with a few potions for me that's awesome i need to punish her for something later
you didn't forget that you got those i can't believe i remembered and no one wrote it down
yeah no i definitely didn't have that written down i'm so proud of myself good work good remembering
thank you remembering is the hardest part of dnd i think oh my god i did write it down fancy
thigh highs me too uh well when you turn your key yeah i want to do it too but i'm waiting
for new lar because i have less trust like yeah no like this isn't gonna hurt you but
siya is a little bit concerned with her looks especially since she's going to be seeing um
salazar for the first fucking salazar for the first yeah first time in a long time
as a fucking minion so we just had a sip it can't be that yellow can you are you like
i'm imagining like banana yellow like totally yellow like the banana candy in the runts like
that level of yellow is it that level of yellow oh yeah yeah well if it's a prank potion right
it wouldn't just be like oh you look slightly jaundiced it'd be more like holy shit you my dear
better be something where i can change it's never good if they have to think about it
a secretary's desk and there's a a small i think they prefer to be called office administrators
there's an office administrator's desk and i even wrote that down i even wrote secretary
and then erased it and wrote office administrator do you actually
where is it but with your writing how would you ever tell that's a fair point
yeah yeah so secretary was and i wrote i can actually see right
oh it's like must be politically correct or not politically um but yeah there's a
professionally correct yeah Dumbgeons and dragons is a dumb dragons production